What's On The Inside Matters
by DanishPastry93
Summary: With the thunderous roar and the flash of lightning, all whom were at the meeting are thrust into a world that may be beyond their reality, forced to read from a book containing tidbits and personal entries from all that were attending. (Being re-written; Chapter 1 is new and improved!) *Rated T for blood and depressing thoughts or actions.*
1. Chapter 1 - Rewritten

While meetings were usually rambunctious and filled to the brim with fighting and the occasional food war, this one in particular was nothing but silent and dreary. Even the louder parts of the world were uncharacteristically silent, certain lessons in reading the mood weren't being put to waste. Fights between neighbouring countries in Europe were silenced as well, a rarity when it came down to England and France. While common idiocy was frowned upon, within the awkward and tense walls of this particular gathering it was almost wished for. The loud heroic shouting and the ramblings of different pasta were absent, though even Germany wished for that change. Italian curses, giant world-saving robots, shouts of peace and pasta, the faintest "maple", the threat of a wok, black sheep and frogs - all the usual in any ordinary meet that the representatives were forced to attend. With tensions high and silence similar to that of a white-room, everybody wanted to break the uncomfortable haze of quiet, though nobody was brave enough to bring forth the chaos.

The explosion of thunder against glass giants startled the nations out of their silence-induced stupor. While Northern Italy or America would usually break such tensions, their not-so-witty remarks were out-shone by the looming threat of breaking the chain that had held its captives unable to speak. The nation whom possessed enough guts and had no care for insults would surpass this bout of unease, freeing their fellow nations from the grasp of world affairs.

"Anyone gonna say _anything_? Or should we just do the rest tomorrow? 'Cus I could _really_ go for a bite to eat right about now."

To keep up the facade, yelling and loud conversations started up, each distinct nation ending their chatter with approval and a silent thanks to the uncharacteristically silent American nation. As if he were ignoring the other's idle talk, America had simply left the room, the heavy doors closing to the tune of the New York rain. Only few nations took note of the boisterous nation's hasty leave, only one thick-browed Englishman taking the opportunity to follow.

Contrary to popular belief, America wasn't so lucky, in both weather and overall wellbeing, and the Big Apple wasn't known for warm weather - decent weather, for that matter, and the storm that had made its way over the state was unexpected. That left America with limited options: wait for a country who had an umbrella, sprint like hell until he found his hotel, or just hide out in the building until the rain cleared.

Weighing the options - fat - and coming to a decision, he zippered up his jacket and prepared for a long sprint, Canada mimicking his idea and using his bear as a mean of protection from the rain.

Running out of breath after a few blocks, his footsteps lightened and were nothing but a quick pace, rain soaking his hair and shoes. Giving a quick glance at those who shoved others in an escape from the rain, his feet continued forward, unaware that they had stopped in the first place. A sharp shout alerted him to the companion at his side.

"Alfred, you dolt! Where's your brolly?" his voice attempted to cut through the howling of the wind against pillars of steel and the only response it had received was a shrug and a mumble.

"Don't have it."

"Care to share mine? I can't have you ill at the meeting tomorrow." Thick brows curled in concern, his instinct as a brother-like figure kicking in for the first time in months.

"Sure, but I've only got a few blocks to go anyway."

The slightly shorter nation made way for the American, lifting the only means of protection against the rain so his head wouldn't hit it with every step. Tired of the sound of raindrops, England attempted to begin a conversation with the younger nation, "So, Alfred, why are you walking so far?"

"It's where my apartment is, and there's a McDonald's nearby!"

"Why not get anything closer?"

"It's cheaper that way and I already owe China _a lot_ , I don't think I need to add more."

"If you are so worried about your debt, why pay for everyone's visit?"

"It's what a hero would do!"

"Sure, and what are the costs?"

"Probably one-hundred grand… It sounds like more than it is, though."

"That much? All for two bloody days?"

"Yeah, but no worries! Your bills are paid too!"

"Alfred, you dolt. You don't need to pay for my visit."

"It's alright, bro! Oh, isn't that your place?"

"You're sure that you don't want me to walk you? I don't mind."

"Yeah, dude! I'm good! I'll see ya tomorrow, Iggy! Have a good night!"

Looking at the retreating back of the soaked nation he had cared for, England felt the slightest pang in his heart, concern filling his head like a fog on the roads. He watched the white fifty disappear into the crowd before fetching the key from his pocket and opening the door to finally escape the wind and storm.

* * *

Few personifications were ever early, and those who were had usually drowned themselves in coffee and the occasional beer or cola. Even fewer tidied up anything, but this week was nothing but a surprise to them all. Under the realization that arriving earlier would result in a quicker end, many attendants had decided to come as quick as the walk and traffic would allow.

Eventually, those who were supposed to be there, and those who weren't had made themselves to a seat, ready to begin another day of presentations in another day of bad weather and decisions.

Just as role-call was about to be made, a close flash of lightning and a roar of thunder shook the building at its core, the bright flash leaving the tousled nations with darkness crowding their vision.

"It's alright, young ones. We are here to help."


	2. Chapter 2

**I own the plot and the computer in which this Is on... nothing else...**

 **Wow, I have nothing to put here... XD**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV: (Entries will be in** _ **italics**_ **)**

Italy only remembered a loud bang and a flash, then the building was shaking and he woke up under a table with other nations. There was a muffled groan and America sat up, only to hit his head on the bottom of the table, the bang caused some other nations to wake up, only they didn't hit their head.

"Aww fuck that hurt…" He mumbled while crawling out from under the table, other nations catching on and doing the same. Once we were all out from the table we noticed a few obvious things, there were no windows, the walls were a cream color and each chair had a flag design. There were three doors, one leading to a bathroom and the other one to a kitchen, and supposedly a hallway with bedrooms. There was also a thick book in the center of the table. A not appeared on the wall. And England started to read it out loud.

"Dear the G8 and others,

There are some nations in this room who need help, they are suffering, but are too proud to ask for help. You may have noticed the thick book on the table, it is a diary consisting of a few entries and thoughts we noticed. Once someone leaves the pages will go blank; everyone needs to be present. Once the book is done then you will be sent back. On the way, some nations will leave before others. That would be because they had finally accepted themselves and their faults, for some it will be longer. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Germania, Rome, and Native America. We all miss you." England finished. Germany, Canada, America, and Italy were all tearing up at the memories of our long gone family. Russia stepped up to the book.

"We should start reading, da?"

"Go ahead." France replied while sitting down in his chair. Before he started reading he waited for everyone to be seated.

"The first one is about Amerika, it is a statement.

 _Since Alfred has the body of a 19 year old, every couple of years he'll high school or college for a semester. He attends to make sure that he's keeping his knowledge up and because he loves to be in a place where it's ok to act like the teenager he is for once. He also loves to troll the World History courses._ " Everyone looked at him, America was looking at the table with a slight blush to his face.

"I thought you didn't rike school…" Japan started.

"Well, I love to learn more about the world and other things too. Science is actually my favorite subject." England cleared his thought," Why don't you continue reading Russia?"

"Da, this is a diary entry from Germany.

 _Dear diary, It's day 65,987 of my Italy log… Still can't figure him out…_ "

Everyone chuckled as he turned a shade of pink.

"This is just a general statement about everyone,

 _The nations have a curse over them; when they fall in love with a human, that person will die a horrible, untimely death. Some people include: Jeanne D'are, Anastasia, and Amelia Earhart._ " Russia, France and America were silent as some nations realized that they all had a curse.

"After this one, someone else will read, da?"

"I vill read next." France said. Russia nodded and read another entry/ statement.

"This is another one of America's… **[1]**

 _America locks himself away in his room and cries his eyes as he remembers what happened on September the 11_ _th_ _. He can't help but scream in anger and pain as he remembered the terrorist and how so many people died when they didn't deserve it._

 _He could still smell the buildings burning as they fell to the ground. He could still hear the screams and yells of pain and suffering as he could do nothing but watch. He could still remember watching crash into the buildings and burst into flames. How he couldn't do anything about it… He could still remember the feeling of watching everything crumble. He could still remember the touch of rubble that was left behind._

 _Alfred F. Jones remembers all of this… and many other reasons why…_

 _He wants to be a hero._ " Russia trailed off at the end and joined the others, they were staring at America with wide eyes. He looked down as he pushed some of his hair out of the way of two large scars running from his hairline to the tip of where the hair was originally. They were symmetrical and many nations just stared dumbfounded as he re-positioned his hair back to its original spot. He was still looking at the floor.

"Alfred… You could have asked for comfort…" England began.

"No. No I couldn't have… Nobody in here has been through the exact thing I have, I am pretty sure none of you risked death giving an air mask to a child who was going to die."

Nobody knew how to respond so France took the book and skimmed over the next thing he was going to read. He broke out laughing.

" _Dear Diary, I have a doctor's degree but I'm afraid to tell people for fear that they will call me Dr. Who…_ " Other nations started laughing and Canada blushed while hiding behind America's chair.

"Zhis next one is Japan.

 _Dear Diary, Why can't Avatar: The Last Airbender come out in Japanese dub already? It is hard being on the end of the stick. I don't know how America deals with it…_ " More chuckles from America's direction was heard. He spoke to Japan in Japanese.

"私は言語を理解しています。" **(I understand the language. Is what he said.)**

Some nations stared at him again.

"Zis next one is a statement.

 _America slips into a southern accent on occasion._ "

"Really?" China asked.

"Yeah, it only happens when I am pressured or have really intense emotions. Or if I want to do it."

"Ve~ I want to hear your accent America!"

"Hai, I do too." Japan said a little shocked, due to learning about his friend speaking perfect Japanese.

"I can try to bring it up, but it changes my personality too."

"How so?" Germany asked.

"It used to belong to the Confederate States of America."

"If you don't want to you don't ha-"

"Well listn' here British dude, I am perfectly fine with y'all hearin' my accent! Most o' the Southerners ain't like me. They ain't got an accent as sweet as this one here!" **(Sorry for anyone from the south, I know everyone doesn't have an accent and I apologize for anything you find offensive.)**

Well, he was right when he said that his personality would change. It was actually hilarious, especially the way England acted. He sat in his chair with his mouth open, staring at America.

"I used to be The Confed' States of 'Murica, so I'm fine with it!" He stood up and walked over to him.

"I know ya… Ah! Yes! You helped me durin' the Civil War! You n' Francey!" **[2]**

"Well… I-I…"

"Wiki said that y'all just wanted mai' goods down a ways!"

"Yes… But…"

"Did it for the cotton! I remember y'all betrayin' the North and secretly supporting me!"

This version of America was definitely louder. America turned to the others.

"Names' James C. Jones! Nice ta' finally meet y'all in person!"

For a brief moment his hair turned a chocolate brown and his eyes a bright hazel, he had tanned skin and still had the cowlick. But in an instant it was all gone.

"Right… Should we continue?" Canada asked quietly.

"I'm sticn' around for a lil' longer." He put his feet on the table and leaned back with his hands behind his head.

"Right then, this fits with the whole scenario…

 _Dear diary, Sometimes I wonder what Canada would do if I told him he once had a little brother. I wonder what Canada would have thought of him. They have quite a few things in common, sometimes I think about it and it hurts. I know it's too late, but all I can say now is that I am sorry, Canada, for killing a brother you never knew, and I am sorry Confederacy, for making sure you had never met him._ "

We all looked over at 'Confederacy' expecting a reaction, but in his place Alfred was hugging Matthew. We knew it was Alfred. We let them have their moment and then decided it would be best if they ate and went to sleep, for it was 11:29 pm. They broke apart and France left to make food.

* * *

 **Facts:**

 **[1]**

 **The September 11 attacks (also referred to as September 11, September 11th, or 9/1) were a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks by the Islamic terrorist group al-Qaeda on the United States on the morning of Tuesday, September 11, 2001. The attacks consisted of suicide attacks used to target symbolic U.S. landmarks. Four passenger airliners—which all departed from airports on the U.S. East Coast bound for California—were hijacked by 19 al-Qaeda terrorists to be flown into buildings. Two of the planes, American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175, were crashed into the North and South towers, respectively, of the World Trade Center complex in New York City. Within an hour and 42 minutes, both 110-story towers collapsed, with debris and the resulting fires causing partial or complete collapse of all other buildings in the World Trade Center complex, including the 47-story 7 World Trade Center tower, as well as significant damage to ten other large surrounding structures. A third plane, American Airlines Flight 77, was crashed into the Pentagon (the headquarters of the United States Department of Defense) in Arlington County, Virginia, leading to a partial collapse in the Pentagon's western side. The fourth plane, United Airlines Flight 93, initially was steered toward Washington, D.C., but crashed into a field near Shanksville, Pennsylvania, after its passengers tried to overcome the hijackers. In total, the attacks claimed the lives of 2,996 people (including the 19 hijackers) and caused at least $10 billion in property and infrastructure damage and $3 trillion in total costs. It was the deadliest incident for firefighters and law enforcement officers[5] in the history of the United States, with 343 and 72 killed respectively**

 **[2]**

 **The United Kingdom and its empire remained officially neutral throughout the American Civil War (1861–65). It legally recognized the belligerent status of the Confederacy; it never recognized it as a nation and never signed a treaty or exchanged ambassadors. However, the top British officials debated intervention in the first 18 months. Elite opinion tended to favor the Confederacy, while public opinion tended to favor the United States. Large scale trade continued in both directions, with the Americans shipping grain to Britain while Britain sent manufactured items and munitions. Immigration continued into the U.S., with Britons volunteering for the Union Army. British trade with the Confederacy fell over 90% from prewar, with a little cotton going to Britain and some munitions slipped in by numerous small blockade runners. The blockade runners were operated and funded by British private interests; they were legal under international law and were not a cause of dispute between Washington and London.[1] The Confederate strategy for securing independence was largely based on the hope of military intervention by Britain and France, which never happened; military intervention would have meant war with the United States.**


	3. Chapter 3: Master Gaming Card

**This extra chapter is dedicated to Master Gamer Card! I was really happy with the support so ima make another chapter! Enjoy! Im also in a really good mood! :D**

 **France POV:**

I danced around the kitchen as I was making dinner I was making crepes. **[1]** About 20 minutes later I had about 20 crepes ready. Each had a decoration of its own. I will never tell the world how I make food so quickly. Never!

I pulled the cart out with all the drinks and crepes on it. I was tempted to have one right there and now, but I knew the others would not be happy. So I just ignored the sweet, sweet, delicious… NO! No crepes until I reach the room.

I approached the room and was met with loud chatting and some concerning words to some of the nations. America was with China, Italy, Germany, Canada and Japan laughing his head off. Germany was smiling, Japan was giggling, Italy was trying to get America to do his southern accent again, and China was laughing because an 'invisible' force was tickling him. The second he was fully in the room everything went silent and all eyes were on him. America and Italy ran to the cart and took two crepes each. Then went under the table and hid. The other nations were 'calm' as they headed to the food and loud laughter was heard under the table. A voice was heard through the laughs.

"Ve~ America! You need to say that in front of Doitsu!"

"I totally do dude!"

More laughter followed and the nations gave strange looks and smiles at the table. Everyone would usually be cranky at this time, but with the laughter and happy aura to the room, it was hard. Really hard. Even Russia was chuckling at the laughs. Once breakfast was over America crept up to Germany and said something quietly into his ear, you could hear the southern accent a little bit. After Germany comprehended what happened, America was dashing to the end of the room. Germany smiled **(A true American smile XD)** and chased after him.

"Say zat again! I dare you!" He yelled.

"NUUUUUUU!" America laughed while running around the table.

"So America is backing out of a DARE?" Germany stretched the 'dare' in the sentence.

"Never dude!"

"Zhen say it!"

"Fine!" America didn't stop running in circles as he said it.

"Lisn' here DDDDOOOOIIITTTSSSUUU~ I ain't gonna' back out o' anytang' so how bout' we see your TRUE MURICAN' SMILE!"

The room erupted into laughter as Germany playfully glared at the nation running in circles. He only stopped when Germany put the same smile he used when sneaking into America's WWII base. Italy and China erupted with hiccups and laughter at the same time. The meetings were never like this. America helped with the dishes as France brought them back. Everyone decided to sleep on a good note, preparing for the next day. Each nation had a room to themselves. The doors were the exact version of their flag and the doorknobs were silver with the initials of the country on it. For example, America had USA, Germany had GER, England had UK, France had FR, Canada had CAN, Italy had ITA, China had CHA, Japan had JAP, and Russia has RUS.

If the nations saw the stars, they would see their ancestors looking down with gleeful expressions on their faces, blending in with the lit up sky in the background. They were all proud of the nations that they had raised, and proud of the others too. It was hard not having the chance to watch their family grow in person. They know that the nations will forgive each other in the building. It was inevitable. Almost all faults would be fixed and all of the nations would have a special bonds. All of the nations- no- humans- would forgive. Ludwig, Alfred **(And James XD)** , Yao, Arthur, Kiku, Feli, Matthew, Ivan, and Francis would return to their world as friends, allies and most importantly; family.

* * *

 **Facts:**

 **[1]**

 **A crêpe or crepe is a type of very thin pancake, usually made from wheat flour (crêpes de froment) or buckwheat flour (galettes). The word is of French origin, deriving from the Latin crispa, meaning "curled". While crêpes are often associated with Brittany, a region in the northwest of France, their consumption is widespread in France, Belgium, Quebec and many parts of Europe, North Africa and the Southern Cone of South America. Crêpes are served with a variety of fillings, from the simplest with only sugar to flambéed crêpes Suzette or elaborate savory galettes.**


	4. Chapter 4: Rebecca Frost

**This chapter is dedicated to Rebecca Frost, cuz' she was the first to review on this story, any who… Enjoy this chapter! (May contain feels cuz' I am listening to a really sad song right now…)DX**

* * *

 **-During the night- (Will show whose thoughts they are by** UNDERLINE **)**

 **Italy's thoughts:**

The time I was talking with America was fun. We both decided to call each other by our human names. Ve~ I think Doitsu is getting jealous of our friendship… I don't want him to be left out, but it is easier to laugh with Alfred, maybe Doitsu could plot with us next time we go under the table.

 **America's thoughts:**

It was fun to finally be happy for once. Feli made it easy, I can tell his happiness is false though. When we were talking under the table he kept looking past my shoulder at Germany. I can tell he likes him. I just hope our ancestors left out some things from my diary, I don't want anything to get out of control, again…

 **Germany's thoughts:**

I felt quite a bit jealous when I heard laughter coming from the table. I may be the country to keep meetings in order, but I can't help but feel for the little Italian. Hopefully some of the Holocaust entries aren't in the journal, I already feel bad enough as it is.

 **Japan's thoughts:**

I had quite a bit of fun today, the formal atmosphere was gone and I could finally relax. It will get to you after a while, then again… Why is America always happy? Even if we hold a meeting on 9/11 he is smiling his Hollywood Smile, as some countries call it. Maybe there is more to America than what meets the eye…

 **China's thoughts:**

Ever since we left the meeting from… How long ago? Never mind… Ever since we left, it was so much happier. Maybe this is why America is always so optimistic? To make meetings fun enough, where it's not tense, but we would still get things done… I've been so happy, I didn't even bring up his debt. Yet…

 **Canada's thoughts:**

I can't help but feel nervous… I really don't want anyone remembering me this time… Especially in some of the more embarrassing entries I had put in my diary. Sure, some of them are sad… But I just don't want any direct attention on me.

 **France's thoughts:**

I hope that everyone is going to be ok once this is over, I am afraid that some of the nations will be mentally injured beyond repair. I have my secrets, but nothing that I wouldn't mind sharing on my own… Maybe there aren't many bad entries? No, they said that the nations who were like this needed help.

 **Russia's thoughts:**

I want to leave this place, but stay at the same time. It is easier to talk to nations here, but I am not surrounded by my family. Even if Belarus likes me more than a brother; I love her like one. I hope we can get this over without any tears, despite how much fun it would be for Italy or America to finally realize there is nothing to smile about.

 **England's thoughts:**

I can honestly say that I am nervous about some of the things in my journal. I would much rather have told them all myself instead of someone else reading them for me. Then again… Maybe it is for the best, some of the things would cause huge blows in my pride.

All of the nation's went to bed soon after they were thinking about the next day, some nervous, some fine with it.

 **-In the morning, 3** **rd** **person POV:**

America was the first up and he decided to do his usual routine and get ready for the day, he was sure there was going to be depressing entries. He sat at the table and waited for the others. The next country to arrive was England, then Russia. After that, China, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, then Japan.

"Now that we are all here, who would like to read?" France asked while holding up the book. Germany raised his hand and France tossed him the book. America and Italy were still smiling happily as he pulled out the bookmark.

"Sehr gut, zis one is Japan's

 _Dear diary, We're still great friends. Even though we were the losers… and 'bad guys' of the war, we don't let that get in the way of our friendship. Time has gone by and we've all aged, but we are still just as good friends as we were 50 years ago. Italy-Chan never fails to make me laugh, and Germany-san is always there to keep things under control. I love them, and somehow feel like I belong with these wierdos._ " Germany finished. While Japan was blushing.

"Ze next one is France's

 _Dear diary, They say that for a nation, having one's capital destroyed feels like being stabbed in the chest. Surely, Angleterre must know this! If he sought to do that to me, fine. But since July he's been doing this to Quebec. To Mathieu. To a CHILD! Does Angleterre have any idea what it is like to sit by his son's bed every night, watching as he writhes and screams in pain? I swear to God; if for nothing else, I will make him pay for this._ " Germany sent a glance at France, Canada, and England. France stood up and punched England in the jaw. He took it and stood to hug Matthew.

One the other side of the table America was struggling with a flashback of his capital being burned to the ground. It had more pain than being stabbed in the chest, especially if the capital building was burned to the ground. He looked at the other side of the table and saw France, England and Canada hugging. Looks like nobody remembered the War of 1812 **[1]** , where both America and Canada's capitals were destroyed. Heck, there was even a song about when the White House was burned to the ground **[2]**. The hugging countries broke up and Germany continued reading.

"Vell, zis one is a statement of my bruder…

 _The fire department has a code just for them. Just because Gilbert sets their house on fire almost weekly._ " Chuckles were heard throughout the room as he continued.

"Zis is another statement about China,

 _China actually isn't proud of the Great Wall. And he still feels for the people who lost their lives to it._ "

Japan looked over at China and saw him looking down. America decided to speak up.

"Some people build walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." China looked at him startled and smiled. America nodded and Germany continued reading.

"Another statement,

 _Alfred is older, Matthew is more mature._ " He finished and looked at Canada then America, they both nodded and Germany continued.

"Zis is ze last one I will do before handing it off. Zis one is on is America's,

 _He doesn't hate anyone, not even Russia. But sometimes he feels like the whole world hates him._ " All of the nations looked over at him again and he looked at the table.

"We don't hate you lad."

"Da, we dislike America sometimes, not Alfred."

"Hai, you are a good friend Arfred-kun."

"Thanks…" He said, still looking down.

"I wirr read next Germany-san."

"Sehr gut." He said while giving it to Japan.

"This one is China's." He started. **(I'm not going to do his accent during the italics.)**

" _Dear diary, It's hard being ancient. It's a blessing in disguise. With the good memories, come the bad memories. The lives that faded away before my eyes, the wars, the tragedies, and the failures. No matter how hard I try, I can't forget._ " He finished the entry and hugged China, **(wait… Japan? Hugging China? It's the apocalypse.)** He sat back down and continued reading.

"The next one is America-san's."

"Why the hell are so many of these mine?"

" _Dear diary, Sometimes I really envy Mattie. His ability to just disappear. Sure it must suck for him to not always be noticed, but he has the ability to be. Granted, most of the time he's actually noticed is during a hockey game, but he can do it. Me? I can't ever get people to forget me, and I get blamed for everything, hated for the things I try to do right because of it. Sometimes I get tired, and sometimes? Sometimes I don't want people to know I'm there._ " America shrunk back in his seat as everyone bared a sad expression.

"I think it's time for a lunch break." Germany said, and America rushed out of the room.

* * *

 **Facts:**

 **[1]**

 **The War of 1812 was a military conflict, lasting for two and a half years, fought by the United States of America against the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, its North American colonies, and its Native American allies. Seen by the United States and Canada as a war in its own right, it is frequently seen in Europe as a theatre of the Napoleonic Wars, as it was caused by related issues to that war (especially the Continental System). The war resolved many issues which remained from the American Revolutionary War but involved no boundary changes. The United States declared war on June 18, 1812, for several reasons, including trade restrictions brought about by the British war with France, the impressment of US merchant sailors into the Royal Navy, British support for Native American tribes against European American expansion, outrage due to perceived insults to national honor because of the frequent stopping by the British west African Squadron of American slave ships carrying black slaves to the new world in open defiance of the trade slave ban of 1808, and possible US interest in annexing British territory.**

 **[2]**

 **add this to the end of the .com in youtube for the song... /o7jlFZhprU4 This song... I have no clue how to describe it... I am American too... so... yea...**


	5. Chapter 5: Km

**This one is dedicated to Km. She gave me a suggestion for an entry so I added it.**

 **If you see anything that is familiar, I don't own it. I own nada but the comp n plot n stuff.**

 **~Enjoy!**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

He rushed out of the room the second Germany called break. He didn't want to be comforted. America didn't even want to have attention in the first place. America is rather good at hiding so he wasn't found right away, sure he heard their called, but he paid no attention. He recognized Canada's voice desperately searching for him. He didn't care. Eventually he walked out in the open and went back to the room. He felt everyone's eyes on him and he just moved over to his seat. Japan cleared his throat and skimmed over the next one. He looked at America with a worried expression

"Japan? Ve~ Are you alright?" He nodded and read it.

"Hai… This one is America-san's…

 _Dear Diary, Today I was badly wounded in battle. My boss told me to pull out of the fight, but I couldn't do that. I got in this to protect what I love, and I won't give up now. Even if I die, I will keep pushing forward,_ _because I'm the hero!_ _There's also no other way. I have to do it. If I don't, how could I rest knowing there might not be anyone else who will?_ "

"How bad were you injured America-san?"

"Umm, stitches over my eye, dislocated shoulder, cuts everywhere, bruises everywhere as well, umm, I also got shot near the heart and in the leg, but they fixed that… So yeah…" he said while shrinking into his chair.

"You git! You could have bloody died!"

"Oi, Mathieu and I would have been very worried and upset!" Matthew walked over to Alfred and hugged him. That caused him to blush even more. The others' knew he was stubborn, but to what extent would it stretch to?

"Let's continue, da?" Russia said from his seat.

"H-Hai… This one is a statement…

 _The loneliest people are the KINDEST. The saddest people smile the BRIGHTEST. The most damaged people are the WISEST. ALL because they don't wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did._ " The countries that related to this glanced nervously around the room.

"I will read next Japan." England said while shifting in his seat.

"Hai." Japan said while handing him the book.

"This one is, mine…

 _Dear diary, I think I may invite Germany over for another game of football this Christmas._ " He stated in a firm voice. Nobody spoke so he continued.

"Oh come on! This is another bloody one of mine!" He huffed.

"C'mon Artie, just read. How many of mine have there been?" America said in a sarcastic tone.

"Fine, and its England, you bloody git.

 _Dear diary, everyone's always going on about how powerful Rome was; they all forget that my empire was actually bigger than Rome's. I wish people would see me as the powerful nation I was, not the stuck up twat who can't cook._ " England finished and glanced nervously around the room.

"We choose not to bring up your empire because we don't want to hurt you with the fact that the British Empire is gone." Canada said, and England nodded his gratitude.

"The next one is Germany's,

 _Dear diary, while I seem angry when other nations make jokes about me, whether it be my own personality or history, I don't actually want them to stop. I just wish I could laugh along with them and not have to seem like I take it so personally. But I am stuck in my ways, I suppose. I am just glad thy still think of me, to be honest._ " Germany was blushing and Italy was hugging his arm.

"Dude, you can totally smile at meetings, you just keep everything in order and we're all thankful for that." America stated matter-of-factly.

"This one is another one of mine.

 _Dear diary, Believe it or not, America has actually become quite strong over the years… I know the rest of the Allies are actually thankful for him going into World War II, we just haven't shown him our appreciation. Maybe, one day, when he's not acting like an idiot, we'll throw him a hero party…_ " England barely finished when he was hugged tightly. He looked to his left and saw America hugging him. He broke away and sat back down in his seat. England was blushing and continued reading.

* * *

 **England's POV:**

"T-The next one is Russia's,

 _Dear diary, I only wanted friends. Am I doing something wrong? The Baltics seem scared of me, the Nordics avoid me. Why? It hurts so much to be cold and alone…_ "

I trailed off at the end and looked in Russia's direction. America was over there talking to him without any fear. HOW DID HE MOVE SO QUICKLY? HE IS IN HIS SEAT ACROSS THE TABLE ONE MINUTE AGO, AND NOW HE IS OVER THERE! HOW? Russia looked at America and engulfed him in a hug. Once they were done China hugged him. Russia was smiling, not the creepy child-like smile, no, it was a genuine smile. That made me wonder what America said to make him so happy… I cleared my throat and continued reading.

"I think this one is America's…

 _Drinking match with Russia!_

 _Eveyrbody so fuckin NOOB they drunk them ass out. Lef only me n ruski so we hav a roud 2 c if who da 1_ _st_ _ta nock out is a ho. Don't chalent da hero!_ " I struggled to read, and looked at America, who was laughing on the ground.

"Dude! I was so drunk!"

"Yes, indeed you were, this entry is another one of yours.

 _Dear diary, I've just realized how special England really is to me. He's the only one who sits and watches horror movies with me and who pats my back when I tremble at the monsters. He's the only one who offers a tissue to me when I randomly cough up blood at a World Meeting. But what really had me, was the fact that only hi smile has the power to make my heart stop completely then restart itself._ " I was blushing after and so was America, who was back in his seat.

"I think it is time for a break, da?" Russia said while looking at the blushing superpower.

"Yes, right…" I said as I rushed out of the room.

* * *

 **Russia's POV:**

As England rushed out of the room all of the countries followed, leaving America and I. He looked at me and offered a cheerful smile.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I know how being alone and cold feels like. Now that my mask is down I may as well explain a few things, just please don't tell ANYONE." He said in a tone I could not describe well. Fear? Betrayal? Sadness? Where was the happiness? And what was this 'mask'?

"I promise not to tell anyone." I said.

"Thanks dude. Anyways, the real me isn't who you may think is like. The real me is depressed, lonely, afraid, and betrayed. My happy aura and smile is all fake. In fact, the real me is never happy." He said while wearing a neutral expression. How would I respond? He just admitted his some of his deepest secrets to me, how do I answer?

"So this whole time, you were never happy?" I started cautiously.

"Yep. Every comment everyone made was breaking me on the inside, this all should be cleared in further diary entries. And just so you know, I hate only three people in this world." He said while walking to the door and opening it.

"And who may they be?" I asked while watching him.

"Me, Myself, and I."

He said while leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I stared at the door in disbelief. America hated himself? And he admitted it to ME of all people? Why? How did we all not notice the mask he had? My memories trailed back to the World Meetings. He was smiling and looked happy. I looked at him and noticed the smile didn't reach his eyes. My mind trailed back further and every time he smiled, it never reached his eyes. Every comment regarding his faults made his smile drop for half a millisecond, and his eyes got darker with pain. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I realized he was similar to me. He was never truly happy, he always felt cold and alone, and he felt as if he didn't belong in the world.

How did we not notice the hurting superpower before?


	6. Chapter 6: Anon

**U know, im terrified right now. I pre-typed this, looked at reviews and was like "HOW THEY KNOW?"**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

After one hour all the nations came back, America was smiling again and Russia noticed how dark his eyes truly were.

"This next one is Alfred's." England said, for everyone agreed on calling each other by their human names.

" _Alfred was there when the people of Roanoke_ **[1]** _disappeared. He knows what happened to them. But he never told anyone what happened. He never told anyone anything. Whether it traumatized him, or he simply doesn't want to talk about it, no one knows. He's the only one who knows what happened to those people. Any time Roanoke is mentioned, he either goes quiet or just tries to change the subject, He won't talk about it to anyone. Not to Japan, not England. Not even Canada. And he wants to keep it that way._ " Everyone remained silent as England continued.

"This is a statement.

 _Most countries are pro gamers._ " Many nations chuckled, for it was true.

"It's one of mine.

 _England doesn't mind being alone. He just doesn't want it to be because everyone left him._ " Silence was heard, so he continued.

"Another one for Alfred.

 _America hides a lot of things behind his smile._ " England cast a suspicious look at America, who was, of course; smiling.

"The next one is frog face's.

 _Dear diary, I was reading to Mathieu from his favorite storybook today when he stopped me and asked what exactly and ogre was. God forgive me- I ended up describing Angleterre! I don't want Arthur to take my Mathieu away from me, and the child won't know the difference and will just avoid him, so no harm done… right?_ " America was laughing on the ground as England, France and Canada were blushing a deep shade of crimson.

"This next one is Russia's.

" _He is lonely, but pretends he doesn't know it. When the Soviet Union dissolved_ **[2]** _, it was the first time he admitted to himself that he was alone. The sunflowers he loved so much were a symbol of what he couldn't have as a nation: happiness. He wishes that one day someone will come along and show him what it means to be a friend. And what true happiness is._ "

"We will always be friends, aru."

"Yeah dude! Don't even think otherwise!"

"I will read next, eh?" Canada said softly, while holding a small bear cub.

"Fine then, Canada." England spoke whilst handing Canada the book.

"The first one is, America's…" He spoke even quieter and tears started to well up in his eyes. Russia looked over at America and saw that his smile dropped.

"Well get on with it then." England said, worry etching his aura.

"O-Ok then,

 _America, along with the highest rate of obesity, has the highest rate of eating disorders. Nobody knows that after Alfred eats all of those cheeseburgers, he forces himself to vomit them back up._ " Canada finished and set the book down with a shaky hand.

All eyes trailed over to the nation in the bomber jacket and as if time sped up, Canada, England, and France were dragging him out of the door, into a secluded room. Once they seated America on the couch, they locked the door and sat down next to him.

"How long, Alfred." England said in a saddened tone, and America mumbled an answer; too soft for anyone to hear.

"Please, Al, we need to know." Canada said, tears still visible on his face.

"Four or five years, I don't know, I've been doing it for so long…" He said while looking at his lap.

"Amérique, please remove your jacket." France said, speaking up. America started to shake slightly and slowly un-zipped his jacket, shrugging it off of his shoulders.

The three other nations noticed how small he looked without the jacket to cover it up. Slowly France went to lift up his under-shirt. What they saw made England and France start to cry, Canada has been crying since he read the statement. All of his ribs were showing, his hips jutted out and his shoulder-blades poked out sharply.

"W-Why?" England asked, while France put his shirt back down. And America visibly tensed, with anger.

"You really want to know?" He asked, and the others nodded.

"It's because of all the insults I get! Every meeting I am called fat and stupid! I UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD! I SPEAK ALMOST ALL OF THE EUROPEAN LANGUAGES! I DO IT SO MY SELF-ESTEEM WON'T GET ANY LOWER!" He had his jacket on again and was standing.

He didn't know that the other nations were on the other side of the door. Tears were running down his face as he had his outburst. The others didn't know how to react so they stayed silent. America fell onto his knees and started sobbing into his hands. France, Canada and England snapped out of their trance and hugged the hurting nation. About ten minutes later, everyone stopped crying; for the nation's eavesdropping were crying too. That included everyone else from the group.

Who knew words caused that much pain?

* * *

 **Facts:**

 **[1]**

 **The Roanoke Colony, also known as the Lost Colony, established on Roanoke Island, in what is today's Dare County, North Carolina, United States, was a late 16th-century attempt by Queen Elizabeth I to establish a permanent English settlement. The colony was founded by Sir Walter Raleigh.**

 **The colonists disappeared during the Anglo-Spanish War, three years after the last shipment of supplies from England. Their disappearance gave rise to the nickname "The Lost Colony." To this day there has been no conclusive evidence as to what happened to the colonists.**

 **[2]**

 **The dissolution of the Soviet Union was formally enacted on December 26, 1991, as a result of the declaration no. 142-Н of the Soviet of the Republics of the Supreme Soviet of the Soviet Union.[1] The declaration acknowledged the independence of the former Soviet republics and created the Commonwealth of Independent States (CIS), although five of the signatories ratified it much later or not at all. On the previous day, Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev, the eighth and last leader of the Soviet Union, resigned, declared his office extinct, and handed over its powers – including control of the Soviet nuclear missile launching codes – to Russian President Boris Yeltsin. That evening at 7:32 p.m., the Soviet flag was lowered from the Kremlin for the last time and replaced with the pre-revolutionary Russian flag.**

 **Previously, from August to December, all the individual republics, including Russia itself, had seceded from the union. The week before the union's formal dissolution, 11 republics – all except the Baltic states and Georgia – signed the Alma-Ata Protocol formally establishing the CIS and declaring that the Soviet Union had ceased to exist.[2][3] The dissolution of the USSR (Russian: распад СССР) also signaled the end of the Cold War. The Revolutions of 1989 and the end of the Soviet Union led to the end of decades-long hostility between North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO) and the Warsaw Pact, the defining feature of the Cold War (though enmity between NATO and the Russian Federation continues to flourish).**

 **Several of the former Soviet republics have retained close links with the Russian Federation and formed multilateral organizations such as the Eurasian Economic Community, the Union State, the Eurasian Customs Union, and the Eurasian Economic Union to enhance economic and security cooperation. Some have joined NATO and the European Union or aspire to do so, to enhance their military and**


	7. Chapter 7: Diaflower

**Break out the Google translator XD XD XD**

 **I only own the comp and IMAGINATION! (Inset Robin's voice from that one episode with the mission scenarios) OOOOH IMAGINATION!**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

* * *

The second the countries heard the sobbing stop, they returned to their seats and hid any evidence of tears. The other four nations returned afterwards and the room had a depressing aura to it. It didn't help that there was no laughter, no scheming coming from under the table, no, the room had a death sentence to any happiness. Nobody knew how much words could hurt one seemingly happy personification. Once everyone was seated, Canada picked up the book and started on the next entry. He cracked a small smirk at it.

"This one is from Francis,

 _Dear diary,_

 _Arthur got drunk. Again. And I had to carry him. Again._ " England blushed and Canada continued, his eyes widened in surprise at the next one.

"It's a statement for Alfred,

 _America has taken every insult he's gotten into consideration and writes one positive statement for each bad one in a notebook. He leaves the book anonymously on the front porch of a nation who is feeling bad about themselves._

 _He has written over 384 books._ " All of the nation's eyes widened in surprise and all thought the same thing. 'It was HIM!'

"Ve~ Really? That's a lot of-a books!" Italy said while imagining the amount of notebooks. And secretly thanking him for it, due to them making him happy.

"Bloody hell! That was YOU this WHOLE time?" England said, enhancing the 'you' and 'whole' loudly.

"Yeah… That was me…" He spoke softer and didn't make any eye contact with anyone.

"Danke für die Hilfe." Germany said.

"Kein Problem Geck. " America responded. Then Germany remembered what he had said before, about the European nations.

"Can we test how many languages you know?" Germany asked.

"Seker." He replied casually. **(Language will be in parentheses. Afrikaans)**

"A ka dikush edhe e di se çfarë gjuhe është kjo ?" **(Albanian)**

"يعني في الواقع ، فإنه من السهل عند تعتاد على ذلك . " He said casually, confusing everyone in the room. **(Arabic)**

"Ха , гэта цікава казаць так шмат моў . " Russia's eyes widened in surprise, he was speaking Belarusian.

"中國，你快樂嗎？" He said looking at China.

"Wait aru, you know traditional Chinese?!" China looked at him strangely.

"Ve~ America can you speak Italian?" Italy asked happily.

"Non ho idea ... Aspetta ..." He replied casually, and Italy laughed. **(Italian)**

"I bet he doesn't know Zulu, Angleterre." France whispered, loud enough for America to hear.

"Yini owake Frenchie ." America replied with a smirk.

"Ok, should we continue reading now?"

"Vinsamlegast ! Það er erfitt að fara aftur í ensku!" America said while sinking to the floor with a smile. **(Icelandic)**

"Umm, ok eh? This one is is mine.

 _Dear diary,_

 _Well, this is it. The moment that I have been waiting for ever since this war started. For the first time, all of my soldires are together under the same Canadian commander. They have spent months preparing for this: memorizing every detail of the ridge, practicing every tep in the attack. I do not ask for glory- all i want is for Arthur and Papa to see that I am able to hold my own in battle._ "

"Ik herinner me dat! Goed gedaan!" America exclaimed happily, earning confused glances. **(Dutch)**

"Er, thanks? Anyway, the next one is Arthur's

 _Dear diary,_

 _Why can't my rulers make up their bloody minds? First one's Catholic, then the next one's Protestant, and then the NEXT one is Catholic, and now THIS one is Protestant- and I'm supposed to switch back and forth along with them! At this rate, I'd rather just stop belieing in God altogether!_ " Chuckles were heard around the room, and it didn't help that America was still trying to speak English.

"영어! 제발 제발 제발!" He exclaimed, and both Japan and China were surprised by the language. **(Korean)**

"The next one is Arthur's

 _England and Spain lik to play Battleship. It reminds them of their pirating days. The game usually ends with Spain crying, 'No! My Armada!'_ " England chuckled at that, he remembered all of the games.

"Jag vet inte ens talar språket !" He face planted into the table. And Canada continued. **(Swedish)**

"This one is about Alfred and Arthur.

 _Americat is so hyperactive and cheerful, it's a few steps away from being a dog. Occasionally, America walks it on a leash._

 _Kitannia is a grumpy, snobby cat who doesn't tit or hobnob with every other cat or person._ "

"Heh , cuimhin liom ... Oh fan . teanga Mícheart . Joy ." He rubbed his head where he hit his head on the table. **(Irish)**

Canada rolled his eyes and continued. "Another one of Arthur's

 _Dear diary,_

 _I went to the Harry Potter world in Universal that America was so excited about. It was almost as cool as the real thing... Almost._ "

"Hah! You loved it! Wait... YES! ENGLISH!" He lept up from his seat and smiled. He sat back down and said something else.

"Admettez-le ... NON!" He gave a glare at France, due to it being French. All of the others chuckled and Germany called a break.

"Τώρα μπορώ να διορθώσετε τη φωνή μου !" **(Greek)**

"Чому я знаю дуже багато мов ? Чому ?" He asked Russia in Ukrainian. But Russia just left, smiling at the fact America knew his sisters languages. Once gone America snuck away into his room and attempted to fix his voice.

How fun.


	8. Chapter 8: Arya Scarlett 14

**Like 2 weeks ago:**

 **I have bad news… I injured my dominant hand so it kinda hurts to type…. I won't let that stop me tho! Dedicated** **to** **Arya Scarlett 14 and Guest (The one that gave suggestions n diary entries/ statements)**

 **Today:**

 **OMG THIS WAS IN MY WORD THIS WHOLE TIME! I THOUGHT I UPLOADED THIS XD OOOOOOPS**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person:**

During the break, America was talking in quite a bit of languages, Canada was still nervous about some of his entries, and he had a felling something would go wrong. He already knew how hard it was on the others and he knew his time would come. He never saw America during lunch and had forgotten about the entry in his own midst of worry.

After lunch, America was smiling in his seat and everyone thought that he had eaten. Their ancestors were watching the errors sprouting from the room, they had been too caught up in their own worry for anything else to happen.

"They are all fools." Native America said sternly while observing the false smile on her son's face.

"Indeed, though my Ita looks worried. Er… More than usual." Rome said; pointing to the nation with worry sparkling in his caramel eyes; that have been open this whole time.

"They will recognize the errors of their ways with the next few entries. Just you wait." Germania spoke while braiding Native America's long dark-chocolate hair.

Rome was looking upon his family when an idea struck him like the bucket that fell from the sky and hit Italy on the head.

"Why don't we add more countries? Like Prussia or Roma?"

"Hm. Well, wasn't our idea to help the current countries?" Native America said while putting flowers into the braid.

"Yes, but they are just like the others. They both have their secrets. Like our families." Rome replied, smirking; he knew that he convinced the native country.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to add two more countries… Germania, what do you think?"

"I am already outvoted so go ahead." He said while observing the braid.

"Let's do it." Rome said while smiling brightly.

"Now?" Germania asked.

"How about when they are all asleep?" Native America suggested.

"It's a deal then." Rome said.

* * *

 **~In the Meeting Room~**

Canada picked up the book and glanced around the room to make sure everyone was seated. He removed the bookmark and read.

"It's one of Arthur's.

 _England can cook pretty well. He just gets nervous and scared when he tries to cook for someone else_." Canada said.

"How else do you think I survived as a colony?" America said.

"The next one is mine,

 _Dear Diary, I used to wonder how it was that I could feel so alone even when I was standing right beside someone who was actually paying attention to me. Then I realized, that even if I'm physically beside him, I'm still always behind him. Always lost in his shadow. Where no one knows I exist. Most of the time, not even him._ "America looked down and was silent.

"I didn't mean to." He whispered, inaudible.

"Huh? I couldn't hear you…" Canada said.

"I didn't mean to overpower you. I just didn't want you to be introduced to the cruel world yet, I wanted you to stay so nice and sweet, not turn into a country who is blamed for everything. I just wanted to protect you before I lost you." America said; still looking down.

Canada didn't know how to respond so Italy spoke up.

"Ve~ I will read next Matthew!"

"O-Ok." He replied, handing the book over to him.

"Ve~ the next one is mine,

 _Dear Diary, I wonder if China would have some pasta with me. I mean, we both like noodles, so why not?_ " Italy said happily.

"Sure, aru." China said, smiling at the nation.

"The next one is Kiku's!

 _Dear Diary, America-san asked me to say 'election' today… and burst out laughing when I did so… I do not understand what is so funny… Someone please explain?_ "

"It's your accent Vee~!

"O-Oh… I see now…" Japan blushed and Italy continued.

"The next one is Yao's…

 _Dear Diary, Sometimes I wonder if I should have shared my invention of gunpowder with the world. I wonder how many people I am responsible for ending the lives of…"_

"Did you pull the trigger?" America asked.

"N-No…"

"Then you aren't responsible. And besides, one country would have found gunpowder eventually." He said, thinking of all the times he pulled the trigger himself.

"The next one is Ivan and Alfred's,

 _America and Russia fight a lot, but they don't hate each other. They just find each other to be good rivals._ "

"Da, it's true. He is the only country that can match my strength."

"You mean _you_ can match _my_ strength."

"I suppose."

"Ve~ the next one is Francis and Arthur's…

 _When France first confessed his love for England, England laughed; because he thought he was joking._ "

"Well, I got over that so now we are a thing." England said while pecking France on the cheek. **(NOOOOOO MY OTP IM CRYING ITS SO SAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDD DX DX :'( *hides in a corner*)**

"Why don't you continue Italy?" America said, tears brimming in his eyes. He had loved England since he was a colony and it was all destroyed now that France and England were a thing.

"The next one is Alfred's,

 _Dear diary, I wish England could see himself the way I do. He's beautiful, he's perfect, and he's everything I've ever wanted… But he thinks he's nothing. I want nothing more than to be his hero and to hold him forever and tell him he's perfect… but… I can't because I know he probably doesn't love me like that…_ "

America just looked down and bit his lip. He could feel the others' eyes on him. England's especially. He couldn't take the looks anymore so he stood and dashed out of the room, tears falling down his face.

'They know now. They will hate me even more now. I just wish that SOMEONE cared for me…'

* * *

 **I was listening to Pain by 3 days Grace when I typed this so sorry… I probably broke most of your feels right now.**

 **UsUk is my OTP and I destroyed it… :'(**

 **WHAI**

 **[Word generated a sad face XD]**

 **And I have come to realize that I didn't upload this until today and its been in my DOX this whole time so oops... I meant to upload this earlier..**

 **OMG WHY SO MANY SAD SONGS OH GREAT IM TEARING UP AGAIN DX**

 **:'[**


	9. Chapter 9: Author Note 1

Let's Recap: **(Please read this)**

England, America, Russia, France, Canada, China, Italy, Germany, and Japan were all teleported into a dimension (Like the Nether and End in Minecraft) where they have to read a book with entries and statements from their diaries.

Last where we left off was where America ran out of the room, crying. _**I have 2 parts that the reader; you; can choose from to continue the story from there. (Not telling you what it is though, I'm mean like that)**_

 _ **Heads or tails?**_

 _ **I will wait 5 days until next update, then I will make it extra-long. Either one will have really bad feels, so yeah.**_

And thank you so much for all of the reviews! Last chapter had 14 ALONE! Thank you so much! I love all of the support! And currently (Typing this) it has 6,105 views! Thanks again!

 **-HetaliaRules111** ;D


	10. Chapter 10

**K so I cried a lot during the making of this…**

 ** _TAILSSSSSS WON_! It was a tie, then  CrazyRedmanelion saved it :D (on this, the name -is- _was_ blue! :D)**

 **Here you go! (Totally didn't forget any disclaimers… I OWN NOTHING BESIDES THIS SANDWICH IN WMICH I WILL EAT HAPPILY THEN READ THIS AND CRY AND CUDDLE WITH MY CATS THAT STOLE MY BED)**

 **Enjoy- HetaliaRules111**

* * *

 **England POV:**

After the entry and finding out about how France and I are a couple, America rushed out of the room… The strange thing is, the book didn't go blank like it usually does. Italy had set the book down and was clinging on to Germany, tears brimming in his caramel eyes. I stood up and looked at the closed leather book. I flipped through the pages and all were blank, all except one. I was staring at it, the color draining from my face slowly.

"Angleterre, are you alright?"

"Y-Ye… NO! I'M NOT ALRIGHT! AMERICA'S HEART IS MORE BROKEN THAN BEFORE AND THERE IS ONE ENTRY IN THE BOOK THAT DID NOT VANISH!"

"What did it say?" Canada asked, his eyes darting to the door and back frantically.

"I will read it…

 _Every nation has tried to kill themselves at least once. Some nations, more often than others. Even if they know it won't work._ "

"Why was that one only there?"

"There's a list."

"A list?"

"Yes… A list of the countries that tried to kill themselves the most."

"It is a problem, but why are you still crying?"

" _The countries that tried to kill themselves (Of the G8 and China) are,_ " I started slowly,

"America _\- 20,_

 _Russia- 17,_

 _England- 13,_

 _Italy- 8,_

 _Canada- 6,_

 _France- 4,_

 _China- 4,_

 _Germany- 3_

 _Japan- 3."_

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

As if to prove the amount, a screen appeared on the wall showing proof. Everyone stared in shock at the top three numbers, that is, all accept America who was still missing. America's number faded from the screen and then appeared again, it repeated this process and nobody knew what it meant until the name faded and came back as 21. It had stopped disappearing and the countries were all panicking. England, France, and Canada ran out of the room to find the missing country. It was 11:59 pm when they smelled a faint copper smell, drifting from a room on the left. **(Fireflies by Owl City fits good in this part)** England tried the knob, it was locked. A choked sob was heard from the inside.

"America! Please open this door!" England was crying and banging against the door with clenched fists.

It was silent. The smell of copper grew.

Canada stepped up to the door and kicked it down easily, they all ran in and wasn't expecting what they saw on the other side.

* * *

 **WOA, WOA, WOA! LET'S GO BACK TO BEFORE ALL OF THIS!**

 **America's View 3** **rd** **Person POV:**

America ran out of the 'meeting room' and didn't stop until he reached a secluded room in a far off hallway. **(Say Something I'm Giving up on you just came on DX)** He had run through the kitchen to grab a certain _item_ before dashing off again, tears blurring his vision and one thought reeling through his mind. **(Ok im crying and I am the one TYPING this…)**

'I am NOT loved. I will never BE loved. Nobody could EVER love such a DISCUSTING country. Does the world HATE me? Because even I WOULD'

He locked the oak doors and cried silently in the corner for a while, before looking at the _item_ clenched in his white knuckles, and started pacing while looking at the silver metal glinting in the moonlight.

'Should I? I mean, my only love doesn't love me… Whenever I give help, they call me self-centered, when I don't, they call me selfish…'

"Does nobody evn' care that I hav' feelins' too?" His Southern accent kicked in with all of the self-hate flowing through his veins.

He raised the _item_ to his neck and thought about the consequences. It would end up in the journal anyways, so…

* * *

 **Present time with Germany and the others:**

"What the hell!" A muffled voice was heard around 12:00 am.

"Vhere are ve?"

"Oh, let's see. I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!"

"Ve~ That-a sounds like Romano!"

"And mein bruder."

"Ve~ Let's-a look for them!"

"Shut up Beer-Bastard the 1st. I hear Italy."

"And the AWESOME me hears mein younger bruder!"

"Ve~ There in here!"

As Italy opened the door, Prussia dashed through it and slammed into the wall on the other side. He was obviously getting ready to ram into it.

"Go back into the room. Ve have some things to discuss."

"I don't have to listen to you Beer-Bastard."

"Please Lovi?"

"Fine."

They walked into the meeting room and all took a seat. Italy's eyes were open and had tears welling up in them. Germany had a sad look upon his face, this made Prussia and Romano worry for their brothers.

"Get on with it."

"America might have just…" Italy started.

"Just, vhat?"

"Added a suicide attempt…" Germany continued.

"Added?" Romano asked.

"This is h-his 21st attempt…" Italy said, tears breaking through his mask.

"Wait. You're telling me that Burger-Bastard tried to kill himself-"

"21 times? I don't believe it! A fellow member of zhe AWESOME trio can't be depressed… Right?"

"Wrong…"

* * *

 **Back to England, Canada, and France –Little graphic here-**

Canada ran in and sat on his knees, by America's head. He gave no mind to the deep red crimson staining the once clean floor. He didn't fail to notice the tears still fresh on his brother's face. His brother was still breathing, faintly, but breathing. America KNEW that it wouldn't work, but he did it anyways. Canada never knew that England kept America LIVING.

"Al… Why?" A few of his OWN tears mixed with the crimson flowing from the closing wound.

England left, to do god knows what. Canada now realized how much stress and strain was put on the superpower's shoulders. He had even added to it at one point. Then he saw it. Across the room was a picture. A picture of America and England. But the thing is, there was a long red knife thrown at the picture, right through America's _heart_ …

* * *

 **Back with the others':**

 **3** **rd** **Person Still:**

Prussia had tears brimming in his eyes as Italy and Germany went into _FULL DETAIL_ of what happened. Romano was bearing a frown, only this one had true emotion behind it. Some startled gasps were heard from the room over.

"Aiyah! Did the book get BIGGER?"

"H-Hai… Maybe it's because Romano and Prussia are arr here right now?"

"Perhaps, comrade. I am still worried about _Amerika_ still."

"I never realized the extent of the insults until now. We are HORRIBLE, aru!"

"Hai, it's a shame none of us knew until now."

"I did."

"WHAT, ARU?"

"N-Nani?"

"He told me that he hates himself. When we all had a break, we chatted about some of the entries. Like how I was always alone. WAIT-"

"What?"

"Я сломал мое обещание ..." **(I broke my promise…)**

"I just hope that Amer- _Alfred-kun_ is alright." **(No, really?)**

Romano, Prussia, Italy, and Germany walked into the room, and noticed the noticeably bigger book. It turned from a red book saying 1 on it, to a blue book with the number 2.

* * *

 **Where did England go? Let's find out:**

I had locked myself in the bathroom, my wrists itching once I saw the light blue razor glinting in the dimmed light.

'One more… One more wouldn't- kill anybody… Right?'

His thoughts drifted to America. America, the nation who had ruined himself more than England's arms. He had decided, if things got _TRULY_ out of hand, he would resort to his _friend_ … Then he realized, England and America _DEPENDED_ on each other for life. If one was absent, the other would want to do something. Sometimes following through with it.

They were _ALL_ fragile. Just like _HUMANS_.

* * *

 **I hope you all liked this chapter *blows into a tissue* IT WAS ONE OF THE SADEST THINGS I HAVE EVER WRITEN! I CANT EEN PSELL RIGTH NOWW! D:**


	11. Chapter 11: EVERYONE!

**Been a while, huh. Did y'all miss me? This is dedicated to EVERYONE! :D Word is saying that my smiley is incorrect -.-… Enjoy! (CUTION ITS REALLY SAD** _ **AGAIN**_ **just not as bad as before… I think…)**

 **3** **Rd** **person POV:**

England did it. He broke his promise. Despite what had happened earlier, he broke his promise. His promise to his family, friends, _himself_ … That's why he is here. In his private bathroom, on the ground, light blue blade sitting in his hand; the silver metal staining red. It was his fault. Or so he _thought_ … _This wouldn't help America- Alfred, now would it England- Arthur? I thought you knew better than to resort to this, you have failed your promise._ That's what his heart said, his mind was glad that the emotional pain was temporarily gone. _Temporarily_. His heart said. _Gone_. Is what his mind said. Deep down, he knew this was wrong.

Why is life so confusing? _Isn't life just guided and led by the sun and moon?_ His mind countered, his heart knew better. _Life isn't the sun or moon. It is dusk and dawn; morning and night. We all thrive for a greater understanding of the world around us._ His heart shot back. **(Say something im giving up on you is so inspiring right now… like oMG)** _Life is just simply living._ His brain said.

 _No, life is the opposite. Without life, is there a sun or moon? Light or dark? Heartbreak or love? No. The world would be INCOMPLETE. Think about it_ _ **IGGY**_ _…_

Strangely enough, his heart's voice sounded like Ameri- _His BROTHER's_ voice.

 **~Over to America and Canada~**

 **~3** **rD** **person STILL~**

All he _saw_ was black. All he _remembered_ was fuzzy. But what he _heard_ , was crying- no, sobbing. Why? Who? Where _am_ I?

"Come on, please… Wake up…" A soft voice sounded out through his black void of nothing.

" _Canada? Matthew? Mattie? Where am I? What happened?"_ He tried to speak, nothing happened, nothing sounded out from the darkness. Nothing but the choked sobs of his _TWIN_ .

There was a blinding flash in his night world. A flash similar to one of the sun. Sun, why did that sound special? Like dusk? Or dawn? Why were these all so special?

It happened again.

And again, until he tried to groan in protest of the new founded light.

Something happened. A noise of his own.

His eyes are closed. He opened them. Opened them to a blinding white world. Vision fuzzy, he looked right. Then left. Saw his twin's face. His tear-stained face. Eyes red and puffy around his closed eyelids. He tried to speak, it hurt. He tried to remember, it hurt. He tried to focus his vision on his brother, it was hard. He tried speaking.

"M-att-ie?" America tried speaking. Failing. Trying to raise his arm, it's hard. A low; almost inaudible grunt.

"No… I don't want to go to work…" America smiled, he remembered that quote from his northern twin.

Canada awoke with a start. Purple eyes met with (noticeably duller) blue eyes. Canada gasped and engulfed his older twin in a firm embrace, tears finding their way down his cheeks.

"AL! OH MY GOD! YOU'RE AWAKE! I thought… You… Actually d-died…"

"N-No… All g-oo-d b-bro. Y-You 'r-right?"

"What the hell Al! I'm supposed to ask you that! You just tried to fucking KILL YOURSELF!"

America's vision went blank, and he saw. He saw what happened. Arthur and Francis, through the kitchen, into a secluded room, hung up a picture, slit-, used the last of his depleting strength to throw it at the picture, shatter, bullseye, fake smile, tears, thud, and the last thing was footsteps.

"AMERICA! AL!"

"I-I r-rem-member wha-t hap-pen-'d."

"I need to get the others-"

"N-No. On-nly you 'n I-Iggy…"

"Alright, but can I at least tell them you're ok?"

"F-Fi-ne…" He closed his eyes, and his quick breathing slowed a bit, he was sleeping. Canada smiled, he had always been jealous of America. Now he realized that his brother was jealous of HIM.

He walked out of the room, heading over to the meeting room where the others were. He stood in the doorway and all eyes averted to him.

"America is awake. He doesn't want any visitors besides me and England. By the way, where is England?"

By the looks on the others faces, Canada knew to hurry up and find him. He ran and France followed in pursuit.

"ANGLETERRE?!"

"ENGLAND? WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"I am right here, what has you lads so worried? Is it Alfred?!"

After catching up on what happened, in which England pointed out that besides the stuttering, America acted similarly to how he had acted before all of this. France had decided to tag along in the visit, so they went into the room holding America and walked in.

 **I found an EPIC Star Wars parody! It's called Hello From The Dark Side by RoyishGoodLooks Its REALLY GOOD (In my opinion) Now im singing it at the top of my lungs in the house and my sister is telling me to shut up. XD my dad is singing along now XD XD XD XD XD**

 **MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!**

 **And I have uploaded a new story called Spacing Out, it's a future scenario and I hope those who have read it, enjoy it :D (It has like 18 views right now)**


	12. Chapter 12: Author Note 2

**I will update later today, but I have an announcement**

 **I have a Wattpad account, with some _NEW_ stories in it, so check it out if ya want ;p its**

 _ **HetaliaRules111**_

 _ **The name is : Hello From The Dark Side**_

 **See y'all l8er**


	13. Chapter 13

**OMG! Thank you guys SO much for reading this story! We passed 10,000 views by over 300! I am so happy right now! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter! I'm also typing this with a cat on my lap where my computer is supposed to be… THERE IS FUR EVERYWHERE and he is trying to unhook my headphones that supply's me with really sad music. To chapper! And I went into my PM and was like, oooh its circular now! Time tah change da picture! Do you like it?**

 **WOOOO!**

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

The whole _attempt_ thing happened a week ago. America is moving around, and acting like his old self. Strange, right? England is continuing to break his promise… But nobody knows. Canada is noticed. Romano and Prussia have their own rooms and they are getting ready for the next entry.

"Ok dudes! The HERO will read next!" America said, pretending to be his old self. His mask is now up and running. The scar still visible in the dimmed lighting.

"This is En- Artie's… And his family will be abducting him into a different room after this."

"D-Did you have to put it like that?"

" _England self-harms._ "

One sentence. One sentence and England's world came crashing down. Just like _THAT_. America grabbed his elbow and walked out of the room with Canada and France following close behind. Canada would question it, but because of the statement, he knew the reasoning. America didn't want to hurt England…

After they went into a secluded room, they looked at England sadly; America reaching out and slowly rolling up his sleeves, gently and slowly. France gasped quietly at his mangled arms. Scares covered almost every area on his arm, stopping a few centimeters before the elbow. _Nice thinking America…_ France and Canada thought. They all wanted to ask one question, just one question, only nobody was brave enough.

"When? And why? Why Iggy?" America asked, tears forming in his cerulean eyes. England just shook his head.

"Please Angleterre…" France said, tears already falling. **(Now is not the time Fall Out Boy! *Skips the next 3 songs* Fine… Be that way Spotify. Make me cry, are you happy Spotify? Huh? Yeah that's right! You Should Play an add about animal shelters. Feel bad Spotify. Feel bad.)**

"Come on England, do it for us." Canada said sadly.

"1783… **[1]** " He whispered.

"What does that have-"Canada started.

"The year America officially gained independence from the UK." America said, staring off into the distance.

"Angleterre… I didn't know that was so hard on you…"

"It's a-lrig-ht…" England responded, a few tears escaping his emerald eyes.

"It's all my fault. If I didn't want freedom England wouldn't have been cutting… It's all my fault…" America said, standing up and pacing.

"It's not your fault Amérique…" France said, doubting himself.

"It is. I bet that without my independence we wouldn't even be here…"

"No. It was my own choice America." England said, rolling his sleeve back down.

"How long has it been?" America asked.

"For what?" Canada questioned.

"One week. One week of happiness and now it's my fault that the happiness is gone." America said, sitting down again. **(Gosh darn it Owl City. You're JUST as BAD as Fall Out Boy. That's it. Get out Pandora- COME ON! Say Something I'm Giving Up On You~ UUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH MY FEELS! Musi? Plz? No? Ok. Once Upon a December~~~)**

"It's all of our faults. We stressed England too much and he broke." Canada said, then whispered something into America's ear, quiet enough for only him to hear. "Like you."

"Let's head back to the meeting room." France said.

Everyone walked over to the room besides France, he went into England's room and took any sharp items with him to his room, to hide. Once satisfied he rushed to the meeting room.

"Ok bros, the next one belongs to Yao." America started laughing after he read it beforehand, " _Dear diary, why does America treat me like a Pokémon?_ "

"But really, why aru?" China asked the chuckling country, then again, everyone was chuckling or smirking.

"To annoy you. Alright! The next one is Romano's!" After he said that, America looked at a really mean looking Romano. America returned the glare with a smirk and an evil expression that everyone else pretended not to notice. Romano looked suspiciously at the country. " _Romano is extremely ticklish._ " America finished, then looked at Italy, then nodding slightly. The other's looked on at this very confused, even Romano was confused. Then Italy and America disappeared when the lights flickered. What they didn't see was Canada flickering the lights. They came back on and Canada was in his seat. There was a loud shout containing the voice of two countries.

"TICKLE ATTACK!" America and Italy shouted from… Under the table? And Romano started laughing hard and trying to get away from his brother and America. The other countries laughing as they were tickled by what is now known as the Tickle Duo. There was a really loud laugh from across the table and they saw… Germany turning red from laughing so much. Italy peeked up from the table and continued tickling Germany. **(They are tickling their feet)** Prussia then went under the table and joined the Tickle Trio. After a few minutes of pure laughter the three countries went back to their seats and America continued the book.

He chuckled a few times before reading over the next entry, "This is one of mine dudes, _Dear diary, when I became independent I did it partly because I wanted to see England whenever I wanted to. Not just wait for him to visit when it was convenient for him. But now, he's just not the same England I used to know._ " Before anyone could say anything, America continued.

"This one is a statement on Mattie, _Sometimes when other nations least expect it, 'Canadian Please' becomes their ringtone._ "

"No worries Mattie, I'm sure that if we had cell service, it would have-"

" _Yeah, I know that you wanna be Canadian, please-_ " America's phone went off as he looked at Canada.

"WE HAVE CELL SERVICE? And how did you get into my phone?"

"I'm Canada, I have my ways."

"THE AWESOME ME WILL READ NEXT!" Prussia shouted as he ran over to America and took the book from his hands.

"The next one is Alfred's, _America can cook. Really well, actually. But since his food is more 'home-style' American cooking, he doesn't get the same respect as European countries (Like France and Italy) that are famous for their cuisine. He can make an amazing pot roast and burger (from scratch) that would knock any fast food chain out of business, and he does all of his Thanksgiving cooking himself._ " America looked at the silver-haired nation strangely at his hyper-ness and remembered something, he did his cooking alone because he would always give it to the soup kitchen on all major holidays or special events.

"Alright, let's have dinner zhen we will all continue this in zhe morning." Germany started, "Who vill cook?"

"America may as werr. We just rearned that he can cook so we may as werr try some."

"Thanks for volunteering me dude. I shall be back with the best pork roast you have ever eaten." He stood up and left the room, smiling to himself. He was going to surprise them with his cooking. Before he went into the kitchen, he grabbed his wireless headphones and turned on a catchy song, then started cooking to the beat. With the others spying on him to make sure he didn't try anything. About one hour later, he turned off the crockpot and the others dashed to the meeting room.

Soon enough, America came in with a large cart full of classic American home-style cooking. He decided on speaking in his southern accent for this occasion.

"I would like to nominate Engl'nd to cook breakfast for y'all." America said, smiling as the countries took some portions of food and sat back down. All at once they took a bite of their food and instantly started to eat, some going up for seconds.

"This is made really good, aru!" China exclaimed happily as he went up for seconds.

"Thank y'all. Now, I would like to thank ma' arms for bein' by ma' side, my legs for supportin' me, and my fingers bein' there for me ta' count on." America said in his southern accent.

After Canada helped with the dishes, everyone went to bed and the ancients were smiling down at the sight of their family all smiling.

* * *

 **OMG ALMOST FORGOT THE FACTS- FACT: Its forever alone... Nvm**

 **[1] Because we celebrate the Fourth of July and it is known as Independence Day many people are under the impression that we gained our independence from Great Britain on July 4th, but this actually not true. The Declaration of Independence was adopted by the Second Continental Congress on July 4, 1776, but it was not until after the American Revolution ended that we won our independence from Great Britain. The American Revolution began in 1775 with the "shot heard round the world"? which was fired at Lexington on April 19, 1775 and lasted eight and a half years. The American Revolution finally ended on September 3, 1783, with America and the King of England signing the Treaty of Paris.**

 **[25443] I ate PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA today.**


	14. Chapter 14: Author Note 3

Listen, guys. I have som e stuff to share with you regarding this story.

PARCC testing is kinda going on for me right now

I have falln into the Soul Eater and Fairy Tail fandom (And many many many others)

I am learning Italian

Homestuck ended T-T

Random excuse 3,008

So… Yeah, im kinda busy but…

THIS STORY WILL GO ON! I AM NOT CANCELING IT! My inspiration is kinda everywhere… cough* Soul Eater* cough…

I will hopefully update THIS FRIDAY! WOOOOOO!

N' sorry for the wait n stuffs

~HetaliaRules111

And thank you guys SO much for supporting me and my account! This story has over 12,000 views! Thank you all again! See ya Friday ;D


	15. Chapter 15

**IT'S BEEN SO LONG! I MISSED YA'LL! Did u miss meh?**

 **Sorry I didn't update sooner, I got into the Fairy Tail and Soul Eater fandom… In like 2 weeks I finished Soul Eater and am on episode 150 of Fairy Tail… CMON HETALIA DUB! UPDATE PLZZZZ? Ima go for 888 words or close.**

 **RIP Home Stuck. We will all miss you… 3**

 **And I am actually playing from the happy playlist I have… So no sadness (?) heheh**

* * *

 **Sorry bout that… I swear I published this… Oops…. So much for Friday… Heheh… TO DA STOREH!**

 **.**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

After everyone woke up they headed to the supposed meeting room and all sat down for regrouping. And France checking England's arms, legs and torso just in case. There were more cuts on his legs and chest, but nothing fresh or new. After the checkup France gave England a small peck on the cheek. Once they returned Romano and Prussia were talking in silence in the corner. This was strange for many reasons. One is that they HATE each other and the other is Prussia is actually awake at this hour. Many skeptical glances were shot at the duo, but they paid no mind to the sharp glares sent back by Romano. Even Germany was backing away. Every now and then a few ears picked up the sentences spoken by their comrades.

"Are you sure ve should tell them?"

"I am positive beer-bastard. They have every right to know."

"What if-"

"Shhh. Don't say it out loud. We don't want to worry my idiota brother..."

"Let's talk later zhen kesesese."

After their so said 'conversation' the two countries came back to the table and looked at the navy blue cover of the book.

"The awesome Prussia vill read again because I am awesome!" Prussia shouted and grabbed the book.

"I swear I am going to sue you for copy write one of these days." America mumbled under his breath, after all his country came up with the word **[1]**.

"Zhe next one is for Russ- Ivan…

 _Dear Diary, Today China was telling a story about how I used to think he was my mother. I guess he thought he was embarrassing me for fun… but it really just made me sad. He never figured out that when I used to tell him I loved him, I didn't mean it like he was my mom. He used to tell me he loved me too; did he mean it like I was his son, or was he just joking? It hurt, a lot. All this time, I thought he felt the same._ "

Everyone's eyes trailed over to Russia and some at the book. China stood up from his seat and tackled Russia to the ground, kissing him on the lips. Russia's eyes were as wide as an owl's.

"You _idiot_ aru."

"Y-You don't hate me for the entry?"

"Once again. Idiot aru."

A blinding light and a small clicking room appeared and it worried everyone for a moment until they realized it was just Japan having a nosebleed with a camera. Where he got a camera… Nobody knows.

"Alright then. I vill continue with the next one. It is by Feli.

 _Dear diary, Today we all played monopoly together. It was really fun! But I think America and China took it a little too seriously._ " China and America blushed, they ended up bankrupting everyone else and after 3 days of nonstop playing… It was a draw. Ah, good times.

"Da, I remember that…" Russia shuddered slightly. Those two countries are ruthless when it comes to the board game invented in America **[2]**.

"Zhe next one is from Kiku and it is a statement.

 _Japan isn't comfortable with people touching him... But it wasn't always that way. Actually, before the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan loved hugs. Mostly from America. But ever since WWII, Japan doesn't trust anyone anymore. Because the one he trusted most, ended up, hurting him in the end... And America will never forgive himself for it._ "

America and Japan made eye contact, but broke away almost instantly. They still had trust issues, but it had to be done to officially end WWII **[3]**.

"Zhe next one is from America and it fits well here… It is also a statement.

 _People continually ask Alfred, "How can you call yourself a hero after what you did to Japan? You're not a hero, you're a monster." This hurts him deeply, because he never wanted to hurt Japan in the first place. They're friends. And he was so shocked after Pearl Harbor, that's why he entered the war. He only bombed Japan because he didn't want any more people to die. Dropping the first one was bad enough, but after Japan didn't surrender, he had no choice but to drop the second. By ending the war this way, he saved half a million Japanese lives; not just soldiers, but also civilians that would have died... His only other choice was to invade the Japanese mainland. He knows he lost Japan's trust for a while, and he hates himself for hurting his friend in the first place. But his heart was in the right place."_

"To help save everyone from the un-awesome silence, I; The Awesome Prussia will continue. The next one is from a fellow member of the BTT. Francey. Er- Francis.

 _Dear diary, sometimes I wonder what it must be like to be human. How wonderful would it be? Sure, you die sooner. But you get to fall in love without it being a problem. You could find someone to actually grow old with. You wouldn't have to be alone and watch a lot of your friends die while you lived. It must be nice..._ "

"Alright zhen zhe next one is-"

"Bruder, why don't we take a break from this?" Germany asked, more like demanded.

"Kesesese alright zhen! Zhe awesome me will be trashing something!"

Prussia ran out of the room and Germany followed. Sooner or later only two countries were remaining in the room.

"I-I'm sorry about the WWII bombings. I shouldn't have bombed you in the first place if it meant ruining our friendship."

"I forgive you America-san."

"Why? You heard what the statement said. And it's true."

"Lie. **(No in Japanese)** It was a whire ago and sure it stirr hurts, but I got over it. It was my faurt for bombing Pearl Harbor in the first prace."

America did something. Something he didn't know he _**wanted**_ to do.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He kissed Japan.

* * *

 **HEHEHEHE CLIFFHANGER CUZ I CAN AND IM EVIL MWAHAHAHA! I just had like 4 servings of PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA for dinner so now I'm all energetic and stuffs.**

* * *

 **Facts:**

 **[1]** **The oldest meaning of "awesome" is "something which inspires awe", but the word is also a common slang expression in English, originally from America. As the original meaning of** **awesome** **has become somewhat antiquated in general use, the term** **awe-inspiring** **is now generally used for the same meaning.**

 **[2] Monopoly is a board game that originated in the** **United States** **in 1903 as a way to demonstrate that an economy which rewards wealth creation is better than one in which monopolists work under few constraints and to promote the economic theories of Henry George and in particular his ideas about taxation.**

 **[3]** **On August 6, 1945, during World War II (1939-45), an American B-29 bomber dropped the world's first deployed atomic bomb over the Japanese city of Hiroshima. The explosion wiped out 90 percent of the city and immediately killed 80,000 people; tens of thousands more would later die of radiation exposure. Three days later, a second B-29 dropped another A-bomb on Nagasaki, killing an estimated 40,000 people. Japan's Emperor Hirohito announced his country's unconditional surrender in World War II in a radio address on August 15, citing the devastating power of "a new and most cruel bomb."**


	16. Chapter 16: Author Note 4

**I will update soon (Friday), but I have just uploaded a new crossover fic with Hetalia and….. Fullmetal Alchemist. I was hoping that if any of you were into FMA, you would read it? It is my first crossover fic, so if you want to murder it with fire… that's cool too.**

 **Peace!**

 **N maybe review? Nah. You don't have to.**

 **See y'all on Friday! Er- You get it.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hellllllllllo there my peeps! It has truly been a while… So much for freaking Friday da 13** **th** **… Oooooooops… I can't even type as fast as before and I just finished like 2 more animes so if y'all have any suggestions on what to watch next… it would be appreciated. Hope I haven't lost my fanfiction writing pro skillz… TO DA STOREH!**

* * *

He kissed Japan.

.

.

.

He didn't know why, but as soon as they parted, America bolted. He was out of the door before Japan could comprehend what had happened. As soon as he _did_ comprehend what had happened, Japan felt a deep blush rise up to his cheeks. 'Why?' was a question shared with the two nations. One of self-doubt and the other was from an emotion usually foreign to the stoic island nation. _Love_. America loved Japan and the feeling might have been shared. **(Broke my OTP already… But oh well. May as well make it good for da readers. And the freaking Attack on Titan theme came on…)**

As America ran into an empty hallway and sank against the wall. He subconsciously rubbed his neck, but stopped. "Why is life so fucking confusing _now_ …? Fucking 200 somethin' years bites the dust…" America whispered quietly, almost sounding like his younger twin up north. He glanced up at the silver analogue clock and knew that more secrets were to be revealed in around 10 minutes. He was rather far… 'May as well get going…' America thought bitterly as he left his post in the hall.

* * *

 **~~With Romano & Prussia~~**

* * *

"Damn. Remember what happened to everyone else? Well, it might have happened to us too… Now that we are here…" Romano whispered to the silver-haired ex-nation. **(Freaking FMA theme up in here.)**

"I hope the vorld is alright now… All there is left is…" Prussia responded seriously.

"Si, I know idiota. It was bad enough… But-a now… Probably going to-a get-a worse…"

"Ve should head back… Ve don't vant our bruders worrying about us."

"Si, Si. I'm-a coming. Beer-bastard."

"I won't wait up! Kesesese."

* * *

 **~~10 minutes later~~**

* * *

"Alright. Is everyone present?" Germany asked, trying to get a certain Italian off of his foot.

"I think so… We could do a role-count to be sure." England said while sitting down near France.

As Germany went down the list, only two nations were missing. And of course suspicions rose until the doors swung open a few minutes later.

"ZHE AWESOME ME IS HERE!" Prussia yelled, walking in with Romano following with his arms crossed; obviously agitated.

"Zhen let's begin. And honestly Italy. I need my foot back."

"I vill read!" France said with a cheery expression and a blushing England.

"The first entry is one of Mathieu's

 _Dear Diary, do you know what it's like to be invisible? To be ignored? And when you are noticed they even mistake you for someone else. That is my life. I live in my brother's shadow. Everyone talks about how great his country is. How rich it is, how free it is, how much better than that other country they can't even remember the name of. I sometimes wonder… If I died today… Would anyone notice? Or would they go on with their lives completely oblivious? All I want is to know that I MEAN something. All I want is to be acknowledged that I am here and that someone cares. All I want, is to be noticed._ "

Silence erupted into the room, followed by laughter. Laughter? Laughter by America…

"Dude, my country isn't rich or great. Welcome to America. All you do here is pay taxes and die. I've heard so many people talk about moving to Canada or how they love Canada or how Canada would be better than America."

"E-Eh? Really?" Canada asked.

"Of course! Let's continue."

"Alright then… The next one is from Romano.

 _Dear Diary, before you go on about how rude and horrible I am, think about how I feel. Everyone is always saying how much greater Italy is than me. 'Why can't you be more like Feli, Lovino? He doesn't use such foul language and isn't as lazy.' How do you think I feel when I'm called useless? Everyone says I hate my younger brother, when in reality I want to BE him. I want to be loved as much as him, have people swooning over all my needs. I want to be that perfect person everyone cherishes. I want my grandfather or Spain to look down and say, 'I'm proud of you.'_ " **(Listening to some nice calm and quiet music when the freaking Attack on Titan theme goes on again… On MAX VOLUME… Heart attack 2016… Jeez…)**

"D-Damnit… That wasn't supposed to be in there…"

"Roma…" Italy said softly.

"DAMNIT! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!"

"I didn't know you felt that way…"

"SHUT UP."

"I didn't know you wanted to be as useless as me…"

"DAM- What? No. You aren't useless-"

"Yin and Yang, aru." **[1]**

"What?" The two Italy brothers asked at the same time.

"You balance each other out. Like Yin and Yang, aru."

"A-Alright. Damnit. I can't deal with this now. France, why don't you continue?" Romano said with a death glare.

"Zhe next one is that of Kiku's and it is a statement.

 _Japan owns a stag beetle who he enters in stag beetle wrestling matches. It always wins._ " **[2]**

"Eh? Since when do beetles wrestle?" Canada asked, genuine curiosity seeping through his voice.

"For a whire actuary." Japan responded.

"Did anyone notice it is 11:00?" Russia asked.

"And when it just got good. Shame." America said. "Well, see y'all in the morning!" The door closed and the book almost sealed on France's hands.

Nobody failed to notice how Japan and America never made eye contact or spoke directly.

* * *

 **Random Fact time:**

* * *

 **[1]** **Yinyang** **(** **yin** **-** **yang** **) is one of the dominant concepts shared by different schools throughout the history of Chinese philosophy. Just as with many other Chin** **ese philosophical notions, the influences of** **yinyang** **are easy to observe, but its conceptual meanings are hard to define.**

* * *

 **[2]** **Insect fighting is a range of competitive sporting activity, commonly associated with gambling, in which insects are pitted against each other.**

* * *

 **Can any of you spare a head canon or diary entry for this fic? Preferably Japan, Prussia, Romano, China and Italy, but I will accept others…**

 **Thanks and a good night!**


	18. Chapter 18

**2 stories updated in one day? What is this madness? AND THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I GOT LIKE 20-30 NEW CANONS!**

 **Oh! In chapter 9 there was an A/N in the beginning an error revealed what happened in it…** **(CUTION IT GETS REALLY DEEP)** **Did anyone notice this was also the chapter where England's secret was revealed? The error was the first word in the parenthesis. It was supposed to say** _ **caution**_ **instead it said** _ **cution**_ **… I just noticed this… Did any of you know?**

 **I also have some questions…**

 **How long should the story be? Should it continue for a while or should I try to wrap it up in like 4 chapters? And should I have a second part to it? Like after the whole diary thing or should it be a single thing?**

 **Any whoooooooooooooooooo… the casual POV beginning!**

 **I AM HORRIBLE AT REMEMBERING DISCLAIMERS! I own nothing besides the plot and headphones used to listen to sad music… er happy fun music! Not music about pain and rain… *goes to corner***

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

"I am out of my comfort zone, but nobody has eaten in a while and I guess I could make something for everyone… Heh, I really need to stop talking to myself…"

The stove clicked on and small flames rose up from the burner and onto the bottom of the pan. Various ingredients littered the kitchen as the figure went to work, almost dancing around the kitchen. Soon after long, there were omelets, toast and various other food items to complement the flavors. The figure brought the food into the room and set each steaming plate down in various spots. Soon it would be 6:45.

After everyone woke up, they headed to the 'book room' (as Italy called it) and saw an array of various foods at each seat. Everyone looked at France, but he looked just as amazed as everyone else. The nations trailed over to their seats and looked at the still warm food. Everyone looked at is suspiciously for a moment before a few countries started eating. America just stared at the food, a light shade of green tinting his face.

"Come on Al... You have to eat…" Canada whispered to his twin.

"I-I did! Earlier in the morning! I-I had a quick meal!" America responded, continuing the sentence in his head. _"Yeah, I did eat. Then got rid of it all. I still can't get rid of the feeling of fat…"_

"Then eat a few bites."

"I-I'm pretty full actually…"

"Al. Eat."

"N-No thanks Mattie!"

"You will eat lunch. Or I will force you too."

"O-Ok." America smiled nervously.

After their breakfast was up Romano had grabbed the book and was going to read once everyone was seated. He didn't fail to notice the harsh glare Canada was giving his twin. It was slightly unnerving.

"Er- The entry is one of Kiku's…

 _My country is famous for electronics. I'm working on a time machine so I can go back in time and stop myself._ "

"Then how you will get back? If you stop yourself you won't get back and so much wouldn't have happened!" Italy yelled out worriedly.

"I-I don't have the technorogy yet…" Japan said quietly.

"Any who, the next one is one of Alfred's.

 _Dear diary, sometimes I wish I didn't have super strength. People don't realize how much I have to work not to hurt them._ "

"It's actually pretty hard… Did anyone notice how I try to avoid contact with everyone? Because that's the reason."

Nobody spoke up so Romano continued.

"The next one is Arthur's and there are 2 parts to it.

 _Dear Diary, Today I found out that I have a different father from my brothers. Germania is my father. I don't know what to do! If I tell my brothers they would surely hate me… I can't tell them EVER!_

 _Arthur is Germania's son. England knows... But Ludwig and Gilbert don't._ "

"VHAT!?" Germany and Prussia yelled.

"Y-Yes. Germania is my d-dad…"

"So we are bruders now?" Prussia asked.

"Indeed…"

"How vell can you drink?"

"Er- I can't really hold my alcohol that well."

"HOW DARE YOU."

"I'm going to continue before England is killed by the Beer- Bastard. The next one is Ivan.

 _Russia always loses to Canada in every hockey game played with him. He has even broken a few bones just to tie with him._ "

"It's true. And painful." Russia said, looking at a smirking Canada.

"Ok. I'm not letting any dialogue come in unless it's big. The next one is Yao.

"Fun killer." America muttered under his breath.

"Due to all the pollution in his country, his eyesight has gotten worse. He wears contacts instead of glasses so nobody worries about him."

"Yeah…" China said quietly.

"Another one of Alfred's.

 _Dear diary, today I realized that I only listen to my people on my birthday. Really listen, not just feel anyway. It's the only day where the things they say aren't hurtful enough to break me down._ "

"I'm fine now. I can deal with it…" America said. ' _Yeah, sure. I can totally deal with it._ '

"I give up with the rule. The sooner we get done the sooner we get out and fix the world." Romano said sternly. "Anyway, the next one is Ludwig's.

 _Dear Diary, It's happened for the third time already: I bid the soldiers in a dugout good night, then come back the next morning to find them all either dead or missing. No one seems to know what's happening, and it's scaring those men who are left. But now, I know. There was a message left in the dugout this time: 'Matthew was here.' It seems Arthur has decided to make the boy his assassin_ _ **.**_ "

"I think it is time for a lunch break, da?" Russia asked from his seat. "It is 3:00 now."

' _Damnit Russia. I'll have to make a run for it…'_ America thought begrudgingly.

"Alright zhen. I vill see you all back here at 4:15. Come on Prussia. You too England." Germany ordered.

"Alright then. I knew this would be coming eventually…" England spoke as he was dragged out of the room by the German and Prussian.

*"Gotta go Mattie! Bye!" America shouted as he sprinted out the door and down an empty corridor.

"America! Get back here!" Canada whisper-shouted as he ran after his brother.

 **~~- 3** **rd** **Person POV: -~~ - With America: -~~**

He ran down about 3 hallways and locked himself in a bathroom. America wasn't expecting to see a light blue razor covered in fresh blood. And by fresh, he meant _fresh_ , like it was used in the morning. Early in the morning. Around the time the food was made. See, America has learned while in the Civil War how to determine how old blood or a wound is. Nobody really knew what he did when he was on the side lines.

He rubbed his scar again at the sight of the blood and almost cried. He thought he was the only one with the pain to do something horrible to themselves.

"Maybe I'm not alone after all." He whispered quietly.


	19. Chapter 19

**I have braces and on the 13** **th** **I had to go to the dentist and afterwards, when I was so close to freedom they said… "Ya got to wear these bands now!" Like bruh, they** _ **HURT**_ **I can't even eat cake without it hurting...** _ **WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY**_ **? I refuse to wear them so I pretend to… even today it's sore… I hate these things… And I keep on getting these reminders from my family.** _ **"Grab ur rubber bands!" "Do you have your rubber bands?" "Did you grab your rubber bands?" "Don't forget to grab a pack of rubber bands!"**_ **My sister is next and I feel bad for her... (Not really cuz I'm mean and she stuck magnets to my teeth when I was sleeping… Ow.)**

 **Now I'm gonna type the story instead of ranting about metal, but there will be some ranting about other metal in the story… heh… heh… heh…**

 **I own nothing. (Besides my phone I call THE APPLE OF DOOM used to provide music. That's literally what I named it. And my Siri doesn't work so I can't hear the British voice I set up… *Sad face number 8*)**

 **America POV:**

"M-Mattie! Something's wrong! Come on!" I yelled as I ran down yet again, another corridor. Sure, I knew that I would have to eat, but right now was the problem with the light blue razor covered in dried blood… in my pocket. I would just have to explain it wasn't mine and look at the others for any suspicious behavior.

"You have got to be kidding me! How many halls are there?!" I yelled again, and down another long tan corridor I go… Until I rammed into something. Either a wall or Russia. I cautiously opened my eyes and rubbed by head while stepping back from the end of the hallway. There was a small dent, but once I turned around, I saw Canada running the other way.

"Mattie! Back here!" I flinched slightly at my voice, that wall sure was hard…

"Eh? America? Where are you?" He called out, looking to his left and right. I took this as a chance to scare him, so I pounced on his back from behind, he jumped and almost punched me in the jaw; I smiled inwardly. It wasn't every day someone scares Canada, _the_ stealth expert.

"I'm right here!" I replied to his question from a few minutes before.

"Why-"

"There's something I need to show you. It's really important."

"Eh? What is it?"

I pulled out the razor and Canada gasped, in worry and a little bit of anger.

"W-Where did this come from?" He asked suspiciously toward his older twin.

"I found it in a bathroom down a bunch of halls."

"How do I know if you really found it? What if it's actually yours and you are just pretending?"

"W-What. Why would I have a razor here?"

"Says the person with 21 suicide attempts. You could be lying! What if you aren't even trying to get better?"

"I-I do and this isn't mine! It belongs to someone else! And why would I show it to you if I was using it?!"

"So you admit it."

"No! I was being hypothetical!"

"Sure. How will you prove it's not yours?"

"I-I don't know! Don't you think you are over reacting? I told you it wasn't mine and since when do I lie?!"

"You lied about your happiness. You never even talk to me anymore! Remember with mom how we would always comfort each other? Always tell each other what was on our minds what happened to that, huh?"

"Life! Life happened and now our relationship is ruined! I want to help everyone recover from this and I need your help to do it! Why don't you trust me?!"

"I just want to help you get better! And I will, even if I have to do it alone!"

"Why alone?! We could work together!"

"Because it worked so well for you."

"At least I have a strong army!"

"I don't need one because of your 10,000 nukes!"

"Hey! It's only around 7,000! And most of them aren't even deployed!" **[1]**

"Either way that's too much! England only has, like 120! And most of them aren't even used!"

"Why would England even need to use a nuke?! I am one of the remaining superpowers and I need a large military to keep it that way!"

"Let's just get to the room and finish this stupid fucking book already." And with that Canada stormed off, leaving me in the dust. I just wanted him to help me!

I clenched my fists, which was a bad idea, I ended up with a razor digging into my hand. Canada was half right, but I cut myself on accident! I would never do it intentionally… I released my grip on the bloody piece of scrap iron and pocketed it. The cut's sting turned into a dull throb, and I bandaged it before returning to the 'Book Room'. When I entered, Canada looked at me, then my hand, and frowned. I sat down and looked around the room. The only one missing was England. I stood again, and took off to the bathroom from before, Canada looked at me again, but stayed seated.

"I'm going to go get England and have a little talk. I will return, don't miss me too much!"

 **England POV:**

I looked around the bathroom frantically. I couldn't find it. My only stress reliever was gone. Frustrated tears dripped out of my eyes as I looked in the same spots I had put it previously. I looked in the spot I had it last, which happened to be when I made the food.

 _After the food was set, I ended up sprinting to the bathroom. No other person knew about it. Not even France. To keep him away from suspicions, I would cut over the freshest cuts from the day everyone found out about my secret. He looked skeptical, but I was always a slow healer, despite my healing magic and being a nation. I realized what time it was and just set the razor on the sink counter, I would return for it later._

That was over 4 hours ago. And this is now. I want to heal, but at the same time I don't. I know that the others will be sad that I'm not actually healing, but I don't care right now. I just can't handle the stress of what's going on right now. I know it's bad, but I just need control over something. I tried to gain control of a new land, I lost it. That started a chain of losses. Most of my colonies left, and now the one I am closest to is Sealand, and even then, we aren't as close as America and I back then… I just can't handle it. I used to be so great. I ruled the seas, had an empire, and now there is nothing. Now I'm just-

"England. What are you doing?" A firm voice said from behind me.

"I-I… I'm sorry! I want to get better! I really do! It's just so hard and I need someone there! I mean, sure I have Frog-Face, but I need control! Everything happens so fast and I can't handle the new world!" I yelled as I clung to the figure behind me. I didn't know who it was, but they responded by hugging back, more gentle than a country really… But I knew who it was now. In the hug, I could tell it was America by the entry from before, about his strength.

"I know, I can tell. I feel the same. We are more similar than ever now. Both in need for some sort of control in the world. How about we head back to the room and keep this between us, our own secret."

"A-Alright then."

 **Sorry about the wait and not having any entries in here, I was just in the mood to type some fluff UsUk… heheh… OTP still! -**

 **Until next time darlings!**

 **Heh. Mettaton.**

 **I just played Undertale all the way through in pacifist and I just had some pie so now I am happy with my life :D**

 **And the night I got the bands, I got startled by a video and clenched my teeth. I almost cried.** _ **PAAAAAAIN**_

 **Now this A/N is over for real this time.**

 **I mean it.**

 **I really do.**

 **You just have to stop reading this.**

 **Like really.**

 **Stop.**

 **Us words have standards.**

 **Ok I will end now.**

 **Now.**

 **Hah! I got you!**

 **Now for real.**

 **Oh! Forgot the factttttttttt.**

 **Facts:**

 **[1]**

 **America had approximately 7,300 warheads in the year 2014, while Russia had 8,000 and England only 225.** **According to a** **new report** **from the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute (SIPRI), nine nations — the United States, Russia, United Kingdom, France, China, India, Pakistan, Israel and North Korea — possess approximately 16,300 nuclear weapons. In total.**

 **Under the** **Treaty on Measures for the Further Reduction and Limitation of Strategic Offensive Arms (New START)** **, Russia and the United States have reduced their inventories but still account for more than 93% of all operational nuclear warheads.**


	20. Chapter 20: Author Note 5

**Sorry to ruin the beautiful stream of chapters, but I need to tell ya somethin.**

 **I just added 3 new stories to my Wattpad account…**

 **If you guys like them, I could put them here too…**

 **They are from:**

 **Fullmetal Alchemist**

 **Soul Eater**

 **Hetalia**

 **Hope whoever reads them likes them!**

 **That's all and I will try and update this story sometime this week or next week…**

 **See y'all then!**

 **~HetaliaRules111**


	21. Chapter 21: Author Note 6 (Please Read)

Sorry that this is not an update.. I'm not really inspired currently and I might update near the 19th of July (My b-day ^J^) just cuz I'm probably not going to do anything.. so sorry again and I promise to update soon! Bai for now! (And next time it wont be an a/n ;D) and one last thing… Last I checked… this fic is almost at 24,000 views! Thank y'all for supporting my writings and I will still question why this is getting so many views… and sorry, but one more thing…

Any fanfic suggestions? I could try to type something after one of my other fics is completed..

Ok now im done with the a/n.. see ya soon!


	22. Chapter 22: Preview 1

**Next time on What's On The Inside Matters:**

* * *

...

...

...

...

* * *

"...I really wish things were the same... But I think both of us don't want to be alone...

* * *

" _..._ _cannot be brought back... is trying it..._ "

* * *

"Son please. Think of how your brother would react if you were to do this! He would either kill himself, go into depression or will blame himself! Please don't do this! You are too young to join us up here!"

"I have to... Sorry..."

* * *

"B-Brother? W-What are you doing here? W-Why don't we head back and join the others?"

"That won't due. I'm tired of living. And you are no example to abide by. I can finally be... _free_..."

"NO!"

* * *

...

...

...

...

* * *

 **Next update: July 19**


	23. Chapter 23: Special

**3rd Person POV:**

* * *

 _"Our little secret."_ England thought over and over again as he retired for the evening. It was hard to believe that America wouldn't tell anyone, and once he found out who took his razor… His secret would be out. For the select few of the world that was present that is. _"Clever…"_ he glared at the white wall and sighed distastefully. He would much rather be home than here… "Then again, most likely everyone else thought the same…" England whispered to himself, wishing for his magical friends to be here.

Once the island nation of Europe fell asleep, another conversation started up in another country's room. A certain American was being awoken from a light sleep from another nation that he had kissed… And of course, not expecting the wake-up call at two in the morning, he pulled out a gun he kept near him in the night. The American was very fond of his guns and found it giving him a sense of clarity. Nobody should wake up a sleeping American who likes guns.

"D-Don't shoot me America-san!" Japan whispered loudly.

"Japan?! What are you doing in here?" America whisper-shouted back, grabbing his glasses and looking at the digital clock on the nightstand to his right. "At 2 in the morning!?" He almost yelled, but suppressed it.

"We need to tark about what happened." Japan had to admit, it was hard to be this outgoing… And waking up the American was difficult at the time.

"Oh. Yeah that… I mean… I really wish things were the same... But I think both of us don't want to be alone... I guess I just needed someone who cares and would accept it. But of course I understand if you don't-"He was cut off by the nimble Asian nation kissing him on the cheek.

"I don't mind. And I actuary kind of enjoyed it…" The older nation blushed and looked at the younger superpower who released a sigh and smiled lightly.

"So are we good? I mean we could have a relationship but-"The younger nation was silenced by another kiss to his cheek.

"You tark too much America-san."

"I know… I do it when I'm pressured or nervous. I kind of just ramble on and on and on." After the second show of uncommon affection from Japan, he was blushing more than the older country.

"And having a rerationship wourd be nice to have with you."

"Really? I mean it's _me_ for heaven's sake. Back before all of this I thought nobody could love me, but now I see the light."

"Werr, I love you for who you are."

With that, America and Japan embraced. It would have looked odd to bystanders, but this was the perfect relationship in their eyes. An introverted nation and an anorexic one didn't really fit the description of 'perfect couple' but they didn't care.

After the show of affection Japan returned to his room and America took off his glasses and fell back onto his pillow with a soft thunk.

"Maybe things will be happier now…" He mumbled while falling asleep slowly. But that wasn't true for another. Nobody may have noticed, but he needed comfort. The suicidal list had him in fifth, but soon it would vanish completely. Similar to how America's faded out and returned, only his would fade out forever. He would be out of the shadows soon. The world could count on that.

A dark thought entered the nation's mind as he set the 'stage'. _"What would happen to my country?"_

A secret vial there, a needle there and a knife next to the rope on top of the tall box. He returned to his 'dorm' and left to retire. Or as France called it, beauty rest.

Nothing disturbed the sleeping nations. All but one. The nation with the equipment.

* * *

 _"Son please. Think of how your brother would react if you were to do this! He would either kill himself, go into depression or will blame himself! Please don't do this! You are too young to join us up here!"_

 _"I have to... Sorry..."_

* * *

The sound of synchronized alarm clocks sounded out. Each with a different strum of music. For example; Japan had Yuukyou Seishunka, America had Radioactive, Canada with One Dance and Russia woke up to Tuesday, a Burak Yeter Feat.

Despite the complete lack of harmony, it made everyone happy, well, almost everyone.

" _I will not be there. By the time they find me, I will be gone."_

As everyone grabbed cereal, some forced to and some just dumping boxes of random cereal into a giant pot with a gallon of milk everyone unfortunately failed to notice the one country absent. They also didn't get to see Prussia returning to his room covered in random cereal and lots of milk.

However, once he returned and finished eating with everyone, they all headed to the room to notice a dull black book with no number. It was thinner than the last one, but still had quite a selection of pages to be read. America took the book and flipped through the pages.

"All of these are blank… Wait! Found one." He said with a bad feeling about the ordeal.

" _...cannot be brought back... is trying it..._ " Is what everyone heard, but in his mind he had the whole thing memorized. _"_ _Canada has found a way for a nation to commit suicide and no matter what, cannot be brought back. He wants to attempt it but Native America has talked him out of it. Multiple times. But he no longer has to wait. He is trying it."_

Everyone ran after America as fast as they could. Despite in the condition he is in, he is still one of the fastest nations there is. He turned the corner, slammed into the wall from before and heard hysterical sobbing. He opened the door to his left and heard it click as it fell shut behind him, locking. What he saw was something he couldn't un-see.

Canada on a tall, weak box with a rope around his neck, a knife to one of his veins in his wrist, held there by more rope, and a bottle with a needle about to be put into his other arm.

"B-Brother? W-What are you doing here? W-Why don't we head back and join the others?"

"That won't due. I'm tired of living. And you are no example to abide by. I can finally be... _free_..."

"NO!" America lunged forward, shot the rope hanging from the ceiling and almost landed on his brother. The vial was damaged from the bullet and shattered in midair. He lunged forward as the broken glass with the liquid shattered and fell on them. He could tell that Canada had about half of the liquid covering his face, and he could feel the feeling of his beating heart fading; probably the same as Canada, and in his last moments of consciousness, mumbled a few words and took Canada's hand with a weak grip.

"I love you Mattie."

In his last moments, Canada heard his name and the sound of the door splintering open with a loud bang. Then, everything faded out.

* * *

They heard a gunshot behind the damaged wall and saw the door. Germany tried opening it, but no avail. They all took turns trying to bust open the door and wasn't expecting what they saw when one final kick from Germany brought the door off of its hinges.

A bright flash accompanied the bang as the door landed, everyone besides Canada and America started shouting, and then all was silent.


	24. Chapter 24: I'm Back With An Update!

**Hellllllloooooo my readers! It has been a while huh. I'm sorry I hadn't updated earlier, but I just started school again and I needed to do some stuffs. My mind has been a little depressing, but it's alright now, lately and I've lost my inspiration, but no worries! I have returned! (I'm supposed to be doing homework, but SCREW DAT)**

 **Oh, and hey guys, the story will most likely end in the next 5 chapters… BUT THERE WILL BE A SEQUAL! Not sure what it will be called to… Maybe something like "You Are Not Alone" or "Never Be Afraid"… lemme know what you think… and on to the CONTINUATION OF THE 3 WEEK CLIFFHANGER!**

 **And sorry about the long wait ;-;**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

A bright flash accompanied the bang as the door landed, everyone besides Canada and America started shouting, and then all was silent.

England woke with a start, hitting his head on something hard in the process. He mumbled a string of curses and looked around, in the darkness he could make out figures near him. At first he had panicked, but then he realized that all of the people near him were breathing, at least, from what he could tell.

There was a quiet groan from his left, then a bang. He heard the figure mumble something in German, and assumed it was Prussia. After a few more thuds, the lights turned on. Everyone squinted in the sudden blast of light entering the atmosphere. Everyone looked around, still squinting slightly.

"Roll call!" Germany called out. "One at a time!"

"Italy!" The hyper nation shouted.

"Japan."

"England."

"ZHE AWESOME PRUSSIA!"

"France~~~~~~"

"China."

"Russia~"

"Romano."

"Vhere is Canada and America?"

"I found Canada!" England shouted from the corner of the room while poking at Canada, trying to wake him up.

"Here is America!" Russia said, looking down at the sleeping nation.

"Ve~ Germany, where are we?" Italy asked the burly blonde.

"I have no clue…" He replied, looking down the narrow hall that was completely white.

"Wait, what the bloody hell did we hit our heads on? There is nothing here but white!" England complained, squinting slightly.

"And that picture on the warr." Japan pointed out.

"Vhat does it say France?" Prussia asked, looking at the nation reading the writing.

"It looks like a page from a book, though, some of its faded out." He replied. "It says… _has found a way for a nation to commit suicide and not be brought back. He wants to attempt it, but Native America has talked him out of it. Multiple times…_ the name at the beginning was crossed out. I'm not entirely sure who it was."

"It vas either Canada or America. Both of zhem are unconscious still, so maybe their fates intertwined."

"What the hell Prussia. When did you get all serious?" Romano eyed the albino.

"Suicide is a serious thing. If a nation wants to die, they will basically do anything to achieve it."

"BLOODY HELL PRUSSIA! I don't want to think that either of them would want to die that badly…"

"Damn alarm. Shut uppppp." A quiet voice said.

"I AM NO BLOODY ALARM!"

"Iggy? The hell are you doing in my room?"

"LISTEN HERE- wait. America?"

"Who else? And why is the ceiling so freaking white?"

"You are not in your room America-san."

"Japan? What's going on?" America sat up and looked around, squinting.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Russia asked, a small smile on his face.

"October?"

"Either Amerika is insane or extremely confused." Russia concluded.

"Where's Canada? I had this horrible nightmare that he-" America spotted the figure laying down in the corner and crawled his way over to it. "Hey, Canada, you alright?"

"He is asleep."

"Ok then, where are we?"

"In a really long hallway." Prussia responded.

"Then let's go through the door right there." He said, pointing at a blank spot on the wall, next to the picture frame.

"Bloody hell. America there is nothing there." England said, worry lacing his tone.

"Nah." America walked over to the side of Canada, glancing at the picture and walking right through the wall.

"So he is delusional and can teleport." China scoffed, making the small headache he had throb slightly.

"Yo! England! Grab Canada! And hurry up slowpokes!"

"Ve~ May as well go!" Italy said excitedly as he ran through the wall.

"Everyone here is insane." Germany whispered, following Italy and hitting the 'door frame'.

Eventually everyone had left through the wall, and had missed the room turning black with large black lettering spelling out **FACE RIP JIG C** , the **A** fading into nothing.

* * *

 **OMSC! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT! I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES WHEN THE REVIEWS REACHED 200 AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS IN THE 100! THE VIEWS ARE AROUND 30 FREAKING THOUSAND! I AM SO HAPPY! THANK YOU GUYS SOO MUCH!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Before I start the story, I would find it awesome if everyone just paused for a moment and honored 9/11. Over 3,000 Americans lost their lives, and we need to honor them. We are THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND WE WILL STAND TALL AND PROUD! USA! USA! USA! Just because they attacked our country doesn't mean that we will fall. We will stand tall! RIP VICTIMS OF 9/11.**

 **And now that my rant is over, on to the story!**

 **(And I am now addicted to the song "In Control by Melanie Martinez")**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

The room was pitch black. It was dark until the last country entered through the 'door'. After everyone was in the darkness, the door made a loud clang as it closed and locked. The lights turned on with a slight buzzing sound and everyone squinted.

"Bloody hell, that is a lot of pages." England said nervously.

"Oi…"

"Ve~ we may as well read them while we are here!"

"Starting from the right, ve vill loop around. Understood? Ve vill each read 2." Germany commanded, looking over the first page that seemed to change its writing. **(A cookie for anyone who gets that anime reference)**

Germany cleared his throat and started to read, "Zhis one is Arthur's.

 _Outside of the world eye, Hong Kong calls England 'Daddy', and will eat his scones and pretend to enjoy them. Outside of the world eye, England calls Hong Kong 'My Boy', and always has a new stuffed panda ready for him._ "

"WHAT? SO ALL THOSE TIMES I GAVE HIM A PANDA AND HE REFUSED WAS BECAUSE YOU GAVE HIM ONE BEFORE?!" China yelled at the European island nation.

"Heh, so that's out now…" England replied back, quieter and with a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Vell zhen, zhe next one is Gilbert's...

 _Dear Diary, there are rumors that the Allies will dissolve Germany. I won't let them kill my brother, even if I must die…_ "

"Out of all zhe awesome ones I have, zhat one is the truest." Prussia said sadly, pulling the dumbstruck German into a tight embrace.

"Jou vill not die on my watch Prussia." Germany replied, tears brimming his eyes.

"Sure Vest, sure."

"Anyways! Somebody read already." Germany's voice cracked at the end, but it was only noticeable by Prussia.

"I'll read next." America piped up from his leaning position on the wall. "This one is on Lovino.

 _Romano hates to accept other's kindness because he doesn't think he deserves to be loved. And yet for every person who has shown him affection, he finds himself loving them so intensely it hurts._ "

"Damnit. Why that one? Why not the ones where I'm insulting the journal I write in?" Romano huffed angrily.

"Ve~ that explains all of that sexual frustration when you get near Spai-"

"SHUT UP BASTARDO!"

The group of nations shared a quiet chuckle before America continued.

"Next one is one of Mattie's." America paused, looking at the 'sleeping' nation, before letting out a quiet sigh and continuing. " _Dear Diary, Why does it feel that sometimes, I'm just fading away? Most of the time, it feels like no-one notices me._ "

America mumbled something under his breath before leaning on the wall again, looking paler than usual.

"America-san, are you aright? You rook a little pare…" Japan asked, nervous that something bad would happen.

"Nah, I'm good." The American nation gave a small smile toward his new boyfriend, which caused Japan to blush.

"I wirr read next."

"Go on Japan." Russia said, looking at the papers further down.

"This one is Ivan's.

 _Dear diary, I still Miss Anastasia. It's been so long, I should be over her, but she's still here, seared into my mind. Is this a punishment for falling in love with a human?_ "

Russia sighed and continued looking at the wall.

"It's not punishment." France looked mournful when he said this, but continued either way. "It's the way the world goes round. We fall in love, and because of who we are, they lose their lives in a tragic way. It's just life." Russia looked bewildered, but gave a silent thank you to France.

"Hey England." America said, quieter than usual.

"Hmm?"

"Can you hold on to my glasses for a bit?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to take a nap. On my face. On the ground. Good night."

"Wha-"

America fell forward and let out a quiet snore as England caught him.

"Bloody hell, if he was tired he should have said so."

"Maybe we should all take a nice nap, aru." China said.

"Agreed." Prussia said as he collapsed to the ground.

"I am a little tired now…" Germany said and followed suit.

Eventually, everyone was asleep, accept for England, who sat there confused and worried.

Behind him, on the wall small red lettering appeared, **FCE RIP JIG C** , the **E** faded, and eventually the rest of the puzzle faded too.

* * *

 **Do you guys like the way this story is going or nah? I'm not sure... And once it is complete, I will go through and edit stuffs so be preeeepaaaaareeeeed**


	26. Chapter 26: Sensitive topic ahead

**UPDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!**

 **CAUTION MAJOR FREAKIN FEELS AHEAD YOU WILL MOST LIKELY WANT TO KILL MEEEEEE SO I HAND ALL OF YOU COMPUTERS. YOU MAY NOW BREAK THEM ALL AND MAKE ME CRY. I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID THIS BUT ITS HAPPENING.**

 **I do have a reason though… One of my friends isn't doing so well. Something really bad happened and I needed to help her through it. I made this chapter to reflect on the future chapters. No matter what happened, time will heal a broken heart. (No she did not go through a breakup)**

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

* * *

He woke up with a gasp, looking around the room he saw England trying to wake the figures laying on the floor. From what he could tell, England was holding glasses. America's glasses.

"E-England?" He called out, quietly and with a rasp in his voice.

No response. He tried again, though with more strength.

"England?"

Not a noise or movement of recognition. Though he was unheard, he moved around on shaky legs and blurry vision.

He walked to the wall, glancing at the pages that adorned the wood and plaster.

 _Russia's… 'Dear Diary, I am terrified of insanity. It horrifies me, it disgusts me, and I am glad I never was like that. I hope to never become like Mongolia or Belarus. That is why I keep my distance from them, yes, even from my own sister, Natalia.'_

 _China's… 'Dear diary, I have enough Chinatowns to take over the world, I'm just waiting for my panda army.'_ He smiled at that one.

 _America's… ' Dear diary, other countries tell me I'm too full of myself; that my citizens love me more than I deserve. But what they don't realize is if my citizens don't love me, who will? They sure won't.' His good mood vanished._

 _His…' Dear Diary, Arthur told papa that he could either have me or the Caribbean Islands. I thought he'd choose me, but he chose them instead. He told Arthur I was "worthless". I am not, and I will prove that to him. I will be strong and kind. I will never forget his words. I thought he loved me. I was apparently wrong.-Canada'_

He tried to punch the wall, but his hand phased through, like nothing was there. He suppressed a sob and looked at his hands. They were slightly see-through.

"W-Wait… No… Did I..?" He spoke quietly, trails of tears adorning his cheeks. "D-Did I actually do it..?"

"Yes. You did it. Despite his attempt to save you, it was too late my son." A ghostly hand landed on his shoulder.

"M-Mom?"

"You are dead. You will watch over them. Just like the rest of us."

"W-What? N-No. No, no, no, no! I don't want to be dead! I want to talk to my family again! Please! You have to do something! Anything!"

"I cannot, unfortunately."

"B-But…"

Canada looked around until he saw France and America, running over to them he did his best attempt at a hug and cried.

"You may roam the earth for a while longer my son."

Canada gave no response as his mother disappeared into particles.

"No. Bloody hell no. Please don't tell me…" England gasped out, looking down at the figure he was leaning over. "Canada… Matthew… No… Hell… I-I can't do anything… No… No… Why… Please tell me why…" Canada walked over to the figure and saw his non-spiritual body fading away. He had found a way to die. A true way, and he didn't like it. He felt so much despair, he wanted to vanish- no- return to life. But there is no going back.

England fell back, tears streaming down his face as he pulled his sleeve up, trying to cut into his arm with dulled nails.

Canada noticed one entry on the wall and cried harder than he thought was possible. As he read it, letters appeared unnoticed behind him. **F RIP JIG C**.

' _England self-harms.'_

* * *

 **Sorry, dem feels. Lol 666 words.**


	27. Chapter 27

**I'm baaaaaack! H0pe u are ready to have your feels crushed~~ and once this story is done ima edit it and add some parts so be prepared..**

 **This chapter is also a little short.. Sowwy.**

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

He didn't know how to react. He stood still, frozen to the spot where he stood. Everyone was looking at him, waiting for a reaction of sorts, but this time, he didn't care about the attention. He was still shocked by what he was just told.

"C-Can you repeat that?" His voice sounded foreign, too much like _him._

"I-I'm sorry lad… Canada is dead…"

He leaned against the wall behind him, shaking and struggling to keep the tears in, from across the room, he heard Prussia crying. They were always really close friends.

"America-" England started, unable to finish due to the broken sobs that started coming from the 2 countries.

Everyone felt sorrow. Everyone wanted to cry, but they felt that it would only anger America and Prussia, due to the fact that they had always forgotten the country who had just passed because of their mistakes.

America looked around- a broken smile on his face, tears streaming down his pale cheeks- almost expecting Canada to be amongst the audience, as if it were some cruel joke. But his wish did not come true. He tried to speak, no noise coming out.

Across the room, Germany was trying to comfort his older brother, but failing. He didn't feel the same grief as his brother did. Germany was the only one who knew of Prussia's crush on the silent nation. Prussia looked up- almost in a trance- and saw the others surrounding him and America with tears in their eyes. Tears that didn't deserve to fall.

America and Prussia sat near each other in a corner. Both were silent and only moved when needed. They weren't crying, smiling or showing any emotion. Sometimes, they would look at each other and Prussia would start to cry again, America rubbing his back. Eventually they both fell asleep, America near Japan and Prussia near his brother. Japan and Germany would give each other looks of understanding when one of the 2 countries would cry and cling to them in their sleep.

They had finished the entries from the room. Most of them directed at Canada, but others were included.

" _Dear diary, I don't know why so many people think that the humans we care for the most- mourn the most- are those in the history books. Of course, our leaders, movers, and shakers have done a lot for us. But sometimes, the people that mean the most to us are just that: ordinary people. Even if no one else knows or remembers them, we do. We don't just remember the generals; we remember the soldiers. We don't just honor the kings; we honor those who served him._

 _Dear diary, I know I shouldn't ask for much but…it makes me sad, sometimes when people forget that my people fought in WW1 and WW2. A week after France and England declared war, I independently announced that I would fight, too. I trained Arthur and Al's pilots. I fought in Normandy on June 6_ _th_ _, 1944, alongside my brother and Arthur. On D-Day, I held my beach there and reached my objective to save France. I was one of the liberators of the Netherlands. And yet… I'm usually forgotten. Or considered cowardly and weak. I wonder what I did to make them think that way…_

 _When they were kids, they tried to switch places to confuse France and England quite a few times. It never worked."_

They only had one response, and that was a pain filled smile from America at the last Canada entry. There was one from France that made America, Prussia and France start to cry, reminded of their major loss.

" _Dear diary, England can have America to himself. I found a new country just close by. He seems like a quiet little boy and can break down any time, but I will take good care of him. Like a brother should."_

They saw a door open across the room, and one by one, each country moved out. Nobody saw the letters appear behind them, one missing from before. **RIP JIG C.**


	28. Chapter 28: Sorry It's Late!

**So being the wierdo that I personify.. I didn't clarify who is left XD**

 **Ima tell you guys.**

 **1 America**

 **2 Japan**

 **3 England**

 **4 Prussia**

 **5 Romano**

 **6 Germany**

 **7 Italy**

 **8 China**

 **9 France**

 **10 Russia**

 **GUESS WHOS BACK**

 **BACK AGAIN**

 **FURRY TRASH**

 **TELL A FRIEND**

 **Lolololol**

 **(I own nothing besides the plot and spelling errors btw~~)**

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

He wanted to hear his laugh. See his smile. Look through the world with sparking sky blue eyes that shone with a deep understanding of life, but fun. He should have done something to keep the pain away from him. But in the end, nothing works out for him doesn't it. He failed. Failed as an older brother.

" _Hey Engwand…" a small voice spoke up, filled with sadness._

" _What are you doing up so late lad?" Emerald eyes met a pair of tear-filled sky blue eyes._

" _I had a scary dweam…"_

" _What about? If you don't mind me asking of course."_

" _I had a dweam that you left me… For a long time…" The smaller figure hesitated, "And then when you came back… You didn't like me anymore…"_

" _Where would you get that idea?" The green-eyed figure picked up the smaller figure and held him securely. "I promise that I will never not like you."_

" _You pwomise?"_

" _Yes. I promise."_

 _He felt the rain and sweat pour down his back, mixing with the blood and mud of the battlefield of fallen soldiers from the battles previously fought._

" _Damnit!" A young man with a war uniform ran out of the forest, feeling a bullet lodge itself in his shoulder, he tried to calculate the distance to his camp from where he was, but through the crowded haze and adrenaline fogging his mind, he was unable to do so. His allies were depending on him. He wouldn't let them down, he had a promise to prove was broken._

A collection of soft groans and light snores were the noises he woke up to, even in a place with no clocks, he could tell it was 6:00 AM sharp. His usual wakeup time, but one noise he didn't want to hear in the morning was that of soft crying, he didn't live with the right people for that.

"Birdie… I'm sorry… I didn't have the right chance to show that I still cared for you… You were never forgotten by me… Or even your brother… But I guess it's too late now… I'm sorry… Oh god… I'm so sorry… You can kill me now… Just bring back mein birdie… I miss you… Birdie… Mattie… Canada… I miss you so much… I just wish… I could join you… But you wouldn't want that… Right..? You want me to live on… So the others won't feel even more pain… But to be honest… I'm not sure how much more of this I can take… I just feel so lonely… And I can see it in your brother as well… But still… Why should I, an ex-nation be alive..? When you had to die..? I wish that there was a way to help you… But now I guess… That won't work… I guess… I'll have to help your brother… Would you want me to..? I want to be of use… Not useless weight that doesn't deserve life…"

The muffled crying and whispering stopped, turning into a soft snore. He could afford to help his brother, and show his soft side. With all that happened, he was sure that nobody would mind.

He had to be strong for his brother. He was West Germany and he was East. That's the way it would always be. Until Prussia came back. Until everyone was relatively back to the way they were before. Back when America smiled with genuine laughter, England and France fought on the floor with China being pulled into it while clinging to Japan for help, Russia either hiding from Belarus or muttering words in the 'corner of doom', when Italy still rambled about pasta and clung to him and Romano, who was bothered by a drunk Spain. When Canada snuck out of the room to feed his polar bear and make pancakes that would always appear in the room, calming everyone down, unless the BTT or the Awesome Trio crashed the meeting with Sealand and the other micro nations.

Back when there were less problems.

It was a shame that that was all a fantasy.


	29. Chapter 29: Flashback To The Past

_**Sorry its late, random burst of inspiration. Sorry for the lack of updates... I am SUPER sorry… I'm gonna mass produce chapters and finish this, after that I'm gonna edit this like it's the end of the world and change a bunch of stuff so be prepared ^^ TO DAS STORY**_

* * *

 **3** **rd** **Person POV:**

 _ **England cuts himself.**_

 _ **England cuts himself.**_

 _ **England cuts himself.**_

 **That was a thought he couldn't get out of his head.**

 _ **England cuts himself.**_

 **Damnit! Why did he have to figure this out now? When there was only a few hours left on this earth for him? He needed to tell someone to look at the frames, the frames containing such horrible secrets that could maybe be fixed.**

* * *

3rd Person POV II:

He woke with a start, lunging forward in the red and white bed. He was covered in a cold sweat, but he didn't care as long as he made sure his brother was alright. He quietly sprinted down the hall of his brother's house and looked into his room. There was nothing but a neatly made bed and a note on the calendar. _World meeting 8:00 don't be late Al._ He exhaled happily, the stiffness of his shoulders loosening slowly. His brother was ok. He was ok. His death was just a nightmare. It was just one horrible nightmare. Nobody found out about his secret. Nobody _pitied_ him. And nobody knew about how he killed his little brother for not accepting his opinion. Not even Mattie knew. And he never will. _Maybe the dream had been a glimpse of the future or Mattie was planning to kill himself._

He ran to his room, going through his daily routine, avoiding the kitchen as he left the house at 7:46. The meeting was in his own country and he didn't notice the rain until it hit him like a pile of bricks. He shivered and continued his way to the meeting, dodging people's umbrellas and avoiding puddles to the best of his ability. He had a determined frown on his face as he made his way to the tall skyscraper. He noticed a Union Jack umbrella through the crowds, but continued running. He knew England was still jet-lagged and frustrated with the people most likely shoving him around. He took a sharp turn left and ran into the familiar building. The elevator doors were surrounded by businessmen and would likely be of no use to him, if he wanted to be on time that is. He started up the stairs and groaned at how heavy his legs felt. He had 9 flights of stairs to walk up and started skipping 3 steps each time. _He needed to lose weight anyways._

The familiar door was slightly ajar, showing the multitude of flag-decorated umbrellas, including a Union Jack. England mush have taken the elevator. He sighed quietly as water fell on his nose from his hair. That was going to bug him the entire meeting. He headed to the door, hearing muffled but audible voices. Most were directed at him and he frowned before putting up his mask. His 1000 watt Hollywood smile. He thought about running back to his apartment to watch Markiplier or Jacksepticeye, but decided against it. The countries would probably come up with more insults if he did. _Too fat to get out of bed? He was probably annoying someone all night and fell asleep. He was probable too dense to even realize that there was a meeting today, that git._ His brain supplied him with examples and his smile dimmed slightly before returning. It was _too_ wide and he looked _too_ happy for it to be real. Pushing the door open, he decided against making it his usual flashy entrance and just headed to his spot next to Canada. At least he had his brother.

 _"That won't due. I'm tired of living. And you are no example to abide by. I can finally be..._ _free_ _..."_

He flinched slightly at the memory from his nightmare and excused himself to the bathroom. He saw Canada look up at him in confusion, but returned to watching the fight between France and England.

He was curled up in the corner of the bathroom, shaking and taking quick, rapid breaths. He tried to put a smile on his face, but was unable to. Not even the smallest twitch. The doorknob jiggled and he stiffened. The doorknob stopped moving before it was unlocked and a nimble figure with a bear entered, looking around until he locked eyes with his brother. He frowned sadly before heading over and ghosting over him. America looked up, tears brimming in his eyes. He reached for his brother, but his hand phased through him. A few tears spilled over.

 _Why did you let me die?_ It was just a nightmare.

 _This is the nightmare._ No…

 _Why didn't you save me? You're a hero, aren't you?_ I'm not sure anymore.

 _If you were a hero, you would be a horrible one. Just like you are a horrible brother._ That's not true… Right?

 _You are a monster who kills. You've killed your only brothers._ I didn't mean to. I was forced to…

 _That's just a lie to make yourself feel better._ No it's not. It's not.

 _Everybody hates you. You're a monster._ No they don't…

 _Nobody would care if you killed yourself._ England would… So would Japan and…

 _They only pity you for being lonely. They only tolerate you._ They care… I think…

 _They can't wait until that_ _ **annoying**_ _American is gone._ I'm not trying to annoy them… I just don't want to be alone.

 _Everyone would be happy if you put a bullet through your brain. Or maybe a few cuts to the wrists or neck. A noose would be alright too._ Will it set me free?

 _You'll be free from the torment, and they'll be free of_ _ **you**_ _._ Maybe it's for the best. If I just die.

 _Of course, it would only help if you were gone. They would throw a party._ What would happen to me?

 _They would burn your body so they wouldn't have to lay their eyes on such an ugly monster._ Can I really die if I'm a country?

 _Never give up._ I promise I'll save the world from me.

 _Go for a bullet. It'll make it quick._ I want it to be painful and slow.

 _Cut your wrists then. Long painful gashes with that military knife in your jacket._ I don't want to ruin my jacket so I'll put it to the side, it'll be for the next personification if they want it.

 _Hopefully they'll be better than you if you succeed at killing yourself._ I hope so too.

His favorite number is zero. Zero means nothing. Not positive nor negative. It's empty. One meant that it was one better than nothing _"I'm the hero!" "I'm number one!"_ In reality, he was nothing. The number zero. Maybe he shouldn't, but on the other hand, he wanted to **become** nothing.

He raised the blade to his skin and woke up.


	30. I'm not quitting this story

Hey, I'm back after years of little to no update.

I'll be making major changes to the story and it's content, so I hope that the new likes of the plotline will be more satisfactory.

I am gonna spend the rest of my summer break making my past stories better and adding new ones.

For example, I've got a Haikyuu! story in the works.

I also have an amazing beta and they will help me with literally _everything_ because you guys deserve it.

Sorry for all of this, HR111.


End file.
